A New Year to Remember
by bluegirl-783
Summary: Clarisse decides to go out to the Winter Palace for New Year's eve and, of course, Joe goes with her. What would happen when they, who have always denied their feelings for each other, are alone out at the palace?
1. The New Year is Coming

_Author's note: Here is my next story…I've been working on this (and the last one) for a while, but it wasn't till now that I was completely happy with them. This is a long one (I think!_

_NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Disney and Meg Cabot_

It was a cold winter's day, the day before New Year's Eve, and Her Majesty Queen Clarisse Renaldi shivered as she looked out onto the white lawns. Her roses usually stood there in summer, but now it was only a bare, snow covered patch. The snow was falling heavily, and it was predicted that snow would continue to fall until after the New Year.

She loved being outside, surrounded by her flowers, but on a day like today, she much preferred staying inside, near her fire and sipping tea but, unfortunately, there was still an emergency session of parliament to preside over before she could finally relax for the day.

"How long is the meeting meant to be?" she asked her loyal assistant, Charlotte, as she turned away from the window and tried to get her mind on the coming meeting. She was usually up to date and ready for anything, but it was difficult today, especially as her seventeen year old granddaughter, Amelia, was visiting from America, and she wanted to spend as much time as possible with her.

"Prime Minister Motez says he will try and keep it short," Charlotte said sympathetically- she knew how much Clarisse wanted to spend time with the Princess, particularly as she was flying home very late that night. Her best friend Lily was having a party, and she didn't want to miss it- not to mention the fact that Mia was missing her boyfriend, Lily's brother Michael.

"I hope so," Clarisse said with a sigh as she walked over to her desk to collect her pad and pen. She was beginning to wonder when her work would finally end- even on the eve of New Year's Eve, there was still more work to be done.

Just then, a thought struck her:

"By the way, have you seen Joseph today?"

She usually saw her loyal bodyguard several times a day, and had a chat with him, but she hadn't seen him at all…but, she thought with a smile, she had stay firmly by the fire all day, unless deemed necessary.

"I think he has been in the security room all day," Charlotte said, and then paused. "But he has been standing outside for the last twenty minutes."

"WHAT?" Clarisse exclaimed as she strode over to the double doors, and threw one of them open. Sure enough, there was loyal Joseph, heavily rugged up and sitting on a chair. Even her guards had been sensible enough to work in shifts!

"Joseph! What are you doing out here in the cold? Come in here at once!"

Inside, Charlotte hid a smile at the tone of the Queen's voice- there were rumors that Clarisse and Joe had feelings for one another, but even she, who spent most of each day with them both, hadn't seen anything. They were simply good friends, and she wouldn't even dare ask the question…but, judging what she had just heard, and the concern that was evident, Charlotte had to wonder…was there something there?

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I just thought it would be easier for you if I was standing outside, ready to go when you go to parliament," Joe said calmly as he walked into the suite, over to the fireplace, as Clarisse shut the door behind him.

"Yes, but you won't be any good to me if you catch the flu!" Clarisse said as she followed him in. She was vaguely aware that she was sounding more like a wife than a friend, so she changed the subject.

"So, where is Mia?"

"In her suite, heater blasting, and listening to some band I've never even heard of! She has some strange tastes!"

"I have to agree with you- I tried listening to some of her music one day…ugh! I'd rather have some classical music any day!"

"Absolutely, Your Majesty. Anyway, the Princess said to tell you, to quote her exactly, to have fun this afternoon, and that she doesn't envy you at all."

Clarisse sighed.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with that girl! Who does she remind you of?"

"Phillipe, of course…and you." His second name startled her, and she whirled around to look at him as he stood, thawing, by the fire.

"What do you mean by that?" She wasn't shocked- just surprised at what he had said.

"It's a compliment, Your Majesty. I'm just saying that the Princess is becoming more and more like you. When I spoke to her on the phone last year I was shocked as she sounded so much like you- but with an American accent, of course."

Clarisse blushed- she and Joseph had been friends for a very long time, but she hadn't realised how observant the man was until he came out with things like that! Before she could respond, Charlotte, who was standing in the doorway, coughed discreetly.

"It's time to go, Your Majesty."

Charlotte hated to break the little tableau up- there was something nice and tender between them, which confirmed her suspicions, but there was a meeting to attend, and Clarisse already didn't want it going later than necessary.

"Thank you Charlotte," Clarisse said, pen and pad in hand, but she was still looking at Joseph, who was looking just as intensely at her. There was something about him that, when they were in the same room together, made her feel like a school girl with a crush- breathless, dizzy and shy.

Joseph watched as she broke the look and move towards the door- there was something so graceful and elegant about her…not to mention the fact that she was absolutely beautiful…he loved looking at her, especially when she wasn't aware of it…. However, he wasn't conscious of the fact that she had stopped, until she spoke.

"Joseph? Are you coming?" Joseph looked up and shook his head quickly- she was looking at him with a gentle smile, although there was a heightened colour to her cheeks.

"Yes, of course Your Majesty," and he hurried over to open the door for her, although the guards usually did it. Appreciating the gesture, she smiled warmly at him as she passed through the doorway, and then turned her mind back to the meeting. It wouldn't do to be caught daydreaming about the man she secretly adored in parliament- what a scandal that would make!

* * *

Prime Minister was true to his word, and the meeting only lasted half an hour, which was great considering that even the room was getting chilly, despite the heaters. Joseph, as usual, was waiting when she came outside, and she dismissed Charlotte early- there wasn't anything she needed to do tonight, and it was going to get even cooler that night.

"So, how did the meeting go?" Joseph asked casually as they walked back towards her suite- she only wanted to drop off her things, and head straight to Mia's suite. It was already 4:00, and Mia was due to leave for the airport at 8- although she had been here for Christmas, and they had spent lots of time together, it was making Clarisse feel sad that she had to say goodbye to her granddaughter that evening. Even 2 weeks wasn't long enough to catch up on sixteen years that she had missed.

However, she turned her thoughts back to the meeting as Joseph stepped up and walked beside her, as she had asked him to do years ago.

"I do feel ridiculous talking to you over my shoulder," she said by way of explanation, and he had agreed- but only when they were alone.

"It went well, but it's getting rather tiresome just sitting in that same room, day after day, listening to the same old complaints from the same old men."

She didn't mean to sound despondent, but it was how she felt at that moment. She had been used to working right up to New Year's Eve, and even when everyone else was partying, but since Mia had come back into her life, she was feeling that her life was empty apart from work.

"When's the next meeting?"

"Not until next week, but there is always still more work to be done, even when everyone else doesn't do their own." She stopped for a moment, and looked out the window at the snow. "You know, I think I should go away for a few days, just over New Year. I've spent the last 10 years seeing the New Year here….maybe it's time for a change," she said thoughtfully, looking hopefully out the window.

"Where are you going to go?" Joe has seen the way her face had lit up at the thought of a change of scenery, and he only hoped it would be somewhere where she would have privacy. Even now, in the palace, there were people everywhere, keeping an eye on the Queen.

She looked at him, pensively. Now that she had the idea in her mind, she had to make some definite decisions.

"Let's see…the beach house would be far too cold at this time of year….my parent's country house is too cold….."

"How about the Winter Palace, in Lybitt? It's rarely used in winter, and I'm sure that everything would be in top condition for any unexpected guests."

Clarisse stopped short and looked at him in surprise- why hadn't she thought of that herself?

"That's a good idea, Joseph! I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before…"

"Probably because you were freezing in that room," Joe supplied helpfully, and she burst out laughing at his accurate comment.

"That's true! I guess the next thing I need to do is decide when to go…most of the staff is going to be on holiday…but that's alright, I can do a little cooking if necessary… I haven't been out there in a couple of years…."

She trailed off- there were still some bittersweet memories attached to the palace- it had been where they had celebrated Christmas, where Rupert had found out he was dying, and where she had initially retreated to after Phillipe's accident. But it was the perfect solution- the palace was only an hour away (if there were any emergencies), it was almost as comfortable as this palace, and it would be private. She often felt that it was ridiculous having an entire palace full of servants when there wasn't anyone there.

"Alright, I'm going to do it," she said decisively as they began walking again. "Only, when should I go out? I don't really have anything to do here until the next meeting…."

"When we go out," Joseph corrected her gently, and she looked at him, puzzled. "You don't think I'm going to let you go out there alone, do you?"

"No," she smiled ruefully, and gently touched his arm as both felt an electric current pulse through them.

"But let's just make sure that it's just the two of us. I really don't feel like taking a whole entourage out, and most of them will be getting ready to go out anyway. When should we go? Tomorrow?"

"Whenever it suits you, Your Majesty."

"Mia flies out tonight, and its New Year's Eve tomorrow…how about tomorrow? I don't have any functions on at all, and I'm sure I can pack in a couple of hours…"and she trailed off as she saw the smile on Joseph's face.

"Alright, my maids will have to help me in that department! By the time we get out there, I will be so exhausted that I will be asleep by the time midnight comes!"

She looked sad for a moment- New Year's had been fun when Phillipe had been alive, as he had always made sure she was awake at midnight and, if she wasn't, he rang her phone or even came into her suite to wake her up. Joe watched her face sadden- he hated to see her sad or unhappy, and he longed to pull her in for a hug.

"Fine with me, Your Majesty. I'll be ready to go whenever you want," he said helpfully as they arrived at her door, and she smiled at him.

"You may go and have another cup of tea, if you wish, Joseph. I'm just putting these things away and going to see Mia."

"As you wish," as he took her hand in his and kissed it, before bowing and disappearing in the opposite direction. She looked after him for moment, before shaking her head and entering her suite. It was ridiculous to be dreaming about someone who only thought of her as a friend, she told herself sternly.

* * *

"Hello? Mia, are you here?" Clarisse called tentatively as she closed the suite door behind her. Mia, for the moment, was staying in Rupert's old suite and, thankfully, there had been extensive redecorating done since his death, otherwise Clarisse wouldn't have been able to bear stepping in there. There was a silence, but then suddenly music blasted from the bedroom, and Clarisse smiled to herself- obviously Mia had the music up so loud that she wouldn't be able to hear a thing!

"Hello!" she almost shouted as she walked into what had been Rupert's bedroom, and she had to smile. There was Mia, stretched out on the bed, doing her toenails and reading a magazine. Clarisse had to walk right up to her before Mia realised that she had company

"Grandma! I'm sorry!" Mia leapt up and raced over to her stereo, and turned it down. "I didn't hear you come in!"

"Obviously," Clarisse said with an amused smile. The room was absolute chaos, littered with magazines, clothes and lolly wrappers- she could just imagine Rupert's face if he had seen this…he had been almost apoplectic at the state of Phillipe's suite at times.

"I thought you were supposed to be packing!"

Mia looked surprised, and then smiled sheepishly.

"I got distracted…but I'm almost done. So, how was your meeting?" she asked as she threw another pile of clothes into her suitcase, before sitting down in a chair.

Clarisse, after carefully making sure that Fat Louie was out of her way, gingerly sat down in a chair that, a moment before, had been stacked high with clothes.

"It was quick…and, before you say it, yes it was very cold in there!" Mia grinned

"Like I told Joe, I didn't envy you one bit!"

"Yes, Joseph told me that. But, you know, one day you are going to be in that room, in meetings, on all types of days." Mia rolled her eyes in mock despair.

"But hopefully that won't be for a long, long time! I'm only seventeen, remember? So, what are you going to do for New Year's?"

"Well, I'm going out to the Winter Palace for a few days, just to have a break."

"Alone?" Mia looked stunned.

"No, don't be silly. Joseph is going with me, but I'd rather not take an entire entourage for what will only be a few days!"

"Sounds like fun…I can imagine you and Joe building a snowman in the palace grounds…" and Mia burst into laughter at the image. Clarisse pretended to look insulted.

"Excuse me, but I'll have you know that I used to build some very good snowmen in my time! Besides, I will be taking some work with me. There is that conference in mid January, and I think parliament wants the guests to stay in the Winter Palace…"

"It must be awfully confining to have to have approval to have people stay in your own palace," Mia said as she stacked a pile of CDs into another suitcase. "I don't know why you don't just say 'this is where its' going to be at', and who cares what you think!"

Clarisse had to smile at Mia's slang- that was something that was taking a little while to get used to.

"I can't say that, dear, because a) the palace doesn't belong to me exclusively, and b) it may be that the palace could suit them best."

"Well, I'd fire everyone who thought like that, and hired a new lot who would agree with you!"

"Mia, Mia, Mia," Clarisse chuckled, shaking her head gently. "You have a lot to learn before you become Queen. Anyway, how's the packing going? I thought you were due at the airport in four hours…and, by the look of this suite…."

"Don't worry, I'll be packed by the time I have to leave and, besides," she shrugged carelessly. "If I do forget anything, I know you could get someone to send it back," and she smiled winningly at Clarisse, who only laughed.

As Mia continued talking about seeing Michael and Lily again, and the party, Clarisse watched her with a smile. It was wonderful to see how Mia had blossomed since that Independence Day ball, and how happy she was….she was young and in love….That was something Clarisse wished could have happened to her……

"So, are you looking forward to the party?" she asked, shaking of the melancholy moment she had just experienced. It was fortunate that she was leaving the palace for a few days…she had been feeling rather down lately, and knowing that Mia was leaving soon only exacerbated her mood.

"Yes…and don't worry, Grandma! I'll be back in the summer, and we can keep in touch via phone and email." Somehow Mia had sensed her mood, as she came over and threw an arm around her grandmother's shoulder for a moment.

"Email?" Clarisse looked quizzical- everyone else in the palace always seemed to be checking their 'email', but she was satisfied with an old fashioned letter…not to mention the fact that modern technology baffled her. Mia laughed as she went back to her packing- she too knew how well Clarisse and computers mixed.

"Yes, Grandma, email. Don't worry, I've given Charlotte strict instructions to show you how to use it…and you get to set up your own email account!"

* * *

All too soon, it was time for Mia to leave, as the guards loaded her luggage into the limousine.

"You don't have to come with me, Grandma," Mia kept saying as Clarisse looked through her coat pockets for the pair of gloves she had always left in there.

"I would like to come with you," Clarisse insisted, as she found the pair- they had been hidden deep in one of the inside pockets- obviously someone had scrunched them in there, as she had never done that at all.

"And so will I," said a voice from behind her, and they both turned to see Joe standing there, heavily bundled up. "You don't think I will let either of you travel at night on your own, do you?"

Mia rolled her eyes and gave a resigned sigh..

"Fine, you can both come. I think you're both nuts to come out this late at night, in this weather, but it's your decision."

"Thank you for letting us come, Princess," Joe mock bowed to her and both Mia and Clarisse had to laugh, before they walked out to the car.

"Your Majesty," he opened the door for Clarisse, and she smiled at him before stepping into the car. Mia, on the other hand, had walked around the other side of the car and disappeared into the other backseat door.

"I see you still don't like anyone opening doors for you," Clarisse murmured as Mia slammed the door behind her, and sat back in her seat.

"I do…it's just taking a little while to get used to, that's all," she shrugged.

Neither Mia nor Joe would allow Clarisse to get out of the car at the airport so, after one more hug, the Princess disappeared into the airport with her security guards. For a moment, Clarisse felt utterly alone, before she pressed the window down and a blast of cold air hit her. But she knew that Joseph would be standing outside, waiting until one of his men returned from escorting Mia to the gate.

"Joseph?" He gave a small jump, and then turned to look down at Clarisse.

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"When we go….can you join me in the back seat?" He looked surprised at the request.

"Are you sure that would be allowed?"

"Joseph," she gave him a small smile. "I'm Queen of Genovia- if I didn't allow it, I wouldn't be asking you, would I?"

"True…yes, I would be delighted to join you in the backseat…now!" he said, catching sight of Scott, his deputy, emerging from the building. "Don't move over- I'll go around the other side," he said before Clarisse pressed the button and the window went up. He raced around the other side, and slid awkwardly in next to the Queen.

"Thank you, Joseph. I…I didn't feel like being alone tonight," she said quietly, looking directly at him for a moment before looking down at her hands.

"Don't worry- Mia will be back in the summer, and it won't be long before I hear you complaining how she's driving you crazy with her music," he said gently, injecting some humour, and she smiled softly at him.

"That's right, I will too! Still…."

She looked out the window for a moment, lost in thought. It was at times like these that she missed Phillipe- he had always managed to make everything so jolly and fun…as Mia did….but once he had left for college…the palace had seemed so much more empty. Maybe it was just as well she was going on a brief break….the palace seemed to be filled with memories of Phillipe and Rupert…and she didn't want to relive them at that moment.

Suddenly, she was surprised to feel someone take her hand, and she turned to look as Joseph gently squeezed her gloved his hand with his own. Instantly comforted, she smiled at him warmly, before looking out the window again.


	2. An Eventful Journey

_Author's Note: Hope you will enjoy this next chapter! I know this chapter isn't very long, but I'm hoping the next few will be!_

_NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Disney & Meg Cabot_

As soon as they arrived back at the palace, Clarisse hurried in the direction of her suite to begin packing.

"What time would you like to leave in the morning?" came a voice from behind her, startling her as she started to walk through the doors of her suite, before turning around. She hadn't realised that Joseph had been following her so closely from the car- yet, with him, she never seemed to realise when he was around. She had half expected him to return to the security room, to report Mia's safe departure, or even go to bed.

Clarisse looked at him pensively for a moment- she hadn't thought about when she would want to leave the next day.

"I'm not sure…the trip should take about three hours, so how about 9:00?"

"I'll meet you here at 8:45 then," he said quietly, and she almost blushed at the look he was giving her.

"That's fine. Good night Joseph," she said after a pause, desperately trying to ignore the chemistry between them. It must be the emotions from saying goodbye to Mia, she said to herself.

"Good night…Your Majesty," he replied, giving her another long look, before turning and continuing his walk down the hall. She watched him for a moment, and then shook her head and walked into her suite- she had a lot of packing to do!

* * *

True to form, Joseph knocked softly on her door at 8:45 sharp the next morning, and was surprised when Clarisse herself opened the door.

"I didn't think Queens are supposed to open their doors," he said as he followed her into the living room.

"They don't but my maids are off…and I'm still a little unorganized with my packing…."

She waved in the direction of his right hand side and he almost burst out laughing when he looked- there were at least five suitcases packed, it seemed, to the brim, and at least three other bags, not to mention a wide box containing what seemed to be shoes.

"Your Majesty," he began, trying not to laugh. "How long were you intending to be away?"

"Mmm?" she turned from her desk, distracted, and then laughed when she realised what he was asking her.

"I know, I know, it seems to be rather extreme…but I haven't had to do my own packing for a long, long time, so I just thought I'd be prepared for every occasion…" she shrugged vaguely as she turned back to her desk to find her handbag.

"Found it!" she cried, and turned back to him.

"I thought you were getting your maids to help you last night?"

"I was, but then I realised I didn't want that many knowing I was going away for a few days…so I've given everyone on my personal staff a holiday until the fifth. No one knows where I'm going…except Charlotte," she added with a smile.

"Okay," Joseph took a deep breath and surveyed the luggage. "The next question is: how are we going to get all this down to the car without anyone noticing?"

"Easy," Clarisse said, smiling broadly as she walked over to the panelled living room wall, and pressing an invisible button, revealing a secret door. "This comes out right where the car is usually parked!"

Just over ten minutes later, a lone car emerged from the palace gates and turned north. The few waiting media watched the car disappear, but didn't give chase- they knew that the Princess had left the previous evening, and they knew the Queen wouldn't emerge unless with an entourage, so they assumed that it was only staff, going shopping.

"We tricked them!" Clarisse exclaimed delightedly, turning in her seat to watch them recede from view. Now that they were leaving the palace, and all the duties that constrained her, her mood had lifted considerably.

"Luckily, they didn't look in the front seat, Your Majesty. Don't forget, they are used to the Queen sitting in the back seat," Joe said teasingly, giving her a sidelong glance. She turned back to face the front, and stared at him with a look of realization.

"I never even thought of that…yes, it's just as well that they didn't look closely," she nodded reassuringly, and then settled back in her seat.

"I'm not used to this- I haven't sat in the front seat of a car since…."

"San Francisco," they said together, before exchanging a significant look. It had been Clarisse's first trip to San Francisco in twenty years, but it had been important- to meet her granddaughter. On that particular day, Mia had wanted to take Clarisse to a fun park and Clarisse agreed, wanting to form a closer bond with her granddaughter, but in the excitement they had forgotten to notify one person in particular……..

* * *

_The police car drew to a stop at the front door of the embassy, and Clarisse took a deep breath in- Charlotte and Joseph were standing outside, and while Charlotte looked relieved to see them back, Joseph didn't look happy._

"_I'll handle this, Mia," she said to the young teenager sitting beside her, before stepping out of the car and walking around to where Joseph was standing, steam literally pouring out of his ears._

"_Your Majesty, I would like a word with Her Highness," he said grimly, looking from one to the other. Clarisse, to everyone's surprise, stepped in front of Mia._

"_I think you will want to speak to me- this was all my idea," she said calmly, ignoring the intake of breath behind her._

"_Really?" Joseph said, his eyebrows raised. "Well…may I speak to you in your study?"_

_  
"Yes," Clarisse said agreeably, before turning to Mia. "I think it's time for you to go home now- I'll see you tomorrow," she smiled lightly at the girl, who looked a little unsure._

"_Are you sure you don't……"_

"_No, I'll be fine…Alright, Joseph," she turned back to her bodyguard and walked regally back inside, Joseph close on her heels._

_When they arrived in her study, she walked over to her desk, and sat down in her chair._

"_You're making me feel like an errant schoolgirl, Joseph," she said teasingly, a small smile on her lips as she watched him pace the room angrily._

"_Do you realise what could have happened out there today?" he began, trying to stay calm but failing miserably. His anger that Mia and Clarisse had disappeared, without protection, to some fun park had merged with his genuine terror that something could have happened to his beloved Clarisse…and he didn't know how to feel._

"_What could have happened, Joseph?" she asked calmly, folding her arms and leaning back in her chair._

"_You, or the Princess, could have been kidnapped! You are supposed to have protection at all times…Why on earth didn't you consult me before going?"_

"Because you, and a carload of men, would have wanted me travelling behind Mia in a limousine! Joseph, I'm trying to establish a closer relationship with my granddaughter!"

"I know that, but you still could have let someone know that you were going out!"

"_I'm sorry I didn't tell you where we were going- I know it was unfair to worry you and Charlotte like that…but it was all spur of the moment, and I didn't want Mia feeling like we had to be constrained…please understand, Joseph," she said, resting a hand on his shoulder. _

_He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly- he knew he had overreacted over this incident- it was natural that a grandmother wanted to get to know her granddaughter, even when they were Queen and Princess respectively. It was just that the thought of anything happening to Clarisse…or even the Princess…terrified him._

"_I'm sorry too- I overreacted. Just promise me that you won't go out again with the Princess without letting me know."  
"I promise," Clarisse agreed, smiling at him. "But thank you for caring so much…"_

_She was going to say more, but Charlotte came in and interrupted them._

"Yes, as I recall, you were really angry that day, weren't you?" Clarisse looked over at him with an impish grin.

"And you were really pleased with yourself, deep down, weren't you?" he countered, but grinning at her. She looked thoughtful for a moment, and then nodded.

"Yes, I was. For the first time, in a long time, I had managed to escape all my security men."

"You did it before?" Joseph was momentarily distracted from the road as he looked at her with a shocked look on his face.

"Yes…but not with you, I promise," she said with a smile, touching him on his arm for a moment, and then looking away.

* * *

The two and a half hour trip passed quickly, and Clarisse was soon on the lookout for familiar sights that marked the home stretch before the palace. She was distracted by a funny noise from the car, and then the car suddenly stopped.

"What happened?" Clarisse, her eyes wide, looked over at Joe, who shrugged as he looked at the gauges in front of him before groaning. "What is it?"

"We're out of fuel!" There was a long silence as Clarisse digested the news.

"Didn't someone fill up before we left this morning?"

"I had Shades fill up all the cars yesterday afternoon, while you were at your meeting, but he said that he had missed two cars…I guess this car was one of them."

There was another long silence, before Joseph managed to pluck his courage up again- he would completely understand if Clarisse blew her stack with him. Her lovely holiday was going to be ruined because he had forgotten to check the petrol gauge before he left!

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I didn't realise this was going to happen….."

Clarisse still didn't say anything, and Joe took a deep breath before looking over at her. To his surprise and relief, she was trying very hard not to laugh, but as soon as their eyes met, she burst out laughing.

"Only something like this could happen to us!" she laughed as she patted his arm. "Don't worry Joseph! I don't think we're too far from the palace, and I'm sure we have fuel back there that we could bring back to fill the car until we got it to a petrol station!"

"We?" Joe asked as she opened her door and stepped out, and he quickly followed suit.

"Yes, we," Clarisse said to him over the hood of the car. "You don't think I'm going to let you leave me out here alone, do you?"

After bundling up in their warmest jackets, hats and gloves, they slowly began trudging through the snow in the direction of the palace.

"So, how long until we get there?" Joseph asked as they walked along, and she shot him an amused look.

"How long have you been my bodyguard?" she joked, smiling. "About half a kilometer in this direction…and, thankfully, there are no hills to climb."

"Good," Joseph replied. "But why are you walking way over there? It might be better if we walk closer together."

"Alright," Clarisse said willingly, moving so close to him that, for a moment, neither of them could remember where they were going as they were in such close proximity of the one they loved. After a moment, Clarisse, to the surprise of both, wove her arm through his. He looked over at her profile for a moment- there was an enormous smile on her face, her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were the most beautiful blue he had ever seen.

"When was the last time you were here, then, if you can't remember where the palace is?" she asked, and he had to think for a moment.

"I don't know….I was lucky to catch you the last time you tried to come out…"

"Oh yes," Clarisse said vaguely, looking out to the towering mountains, remembering her last almost trip to the Winter Palace.

* * *

_It was two days after her beloved son, Phillipe, had been buried, and she was trying her best to keep everything together. His death had been the ultimate blow to her already fragile self esteem- Rupert had died the previous year but, although they had become friends, his death hadn't been as devastating as everyone had thought. It was Phillipe, and her loyal friend Joseph, that had helped her through the motions of Rupert's funeral, and her being sworn in as acting regent._

"_I won't be here for long," she remarked to Phillipe with a smile after the ceremony. "This time next year, you will be King, and I will be very happy to step out of the limelight."_

"_I won't let you," he replied with a smile. "I have big plans for you, Mama…"_

_  
Sadly, however, his dreams had not come to fruition, and Clarisse had been left to pick up the pieces after another loss….only this time, she wondered if she would be able to recover._

_She had been sitting at her desk, trying to read another condolence letter from someone. Her eyes hadn't registered anything, and she tossed it down with a sigh, before walking over to look out the window. It was heavily overcast, and due to rain, she thought listlessly, before the thought struck her…What if she disappeared for a few days, just to gather her thoughts? No one would need to know where she went, and parliament had been adjourned until she felt ready again…_

_She walked quickly into her bedroom and hurriedly tossed some clothes into her suitcase, before a thought struck her- she had to let Joseph know where she was going. He, as her main bodyguard, would get into a lot of trouble if she suddenly disappeared with no protection. She walked over to her desk, and reached for a piece of monogrammed paper and pen._

"_Dear Joseph, (how she longed to write 'dearest')_

_I have gone away for a few days, just to the Winter Palace, to think and heal. Please understand that I do not want to be disturbed by anything or anyone. I will be back as soon as I can._

_Clarisse."_

_Just as she finished signing her name, she heard a discreet cough from behind her, and she turned to see Joseph there, looking pointedly from her luggage to herself._

"_Going somewhere, Clarisse?"_

* * *

"That's right!" Clarisse laughed out loud- although it had only been eighteen months since then, the pain had dimmed somewhat- particularly with the arrival of Phillipe's daughter.

"Yes…it was just as well I found you when I did," Joe said seriously. "Neither of us were to know that the Winter Palace would be cut off due to floods- you would have been stranded out there for weeks, and no one would have been able to get to you."

"You would have found a way," she murmured under her breath, and he turned his head sharply to look at her, but she was still looking straight ahead. "Yes, but we had to go and meet Mia then, didn't we?"

"What a surprise that was!"

"She's a good girl," Clarisse defended her, before stopping. "Here we are- the Winter Palace!"

They stood and stared at the gates.

"It's a lot different from when we drive through, isn't it?"

"What if it's locked?"

"Don't worry, I know a short cut," Clarisse said easily, walking past the gates. Joseph stared after her in amazement. He had always known Clarisse to be extraordinary in so many ways- but he loved discovering all new things about her. This was going to be an interesting break away……


	3. Memories in the Palace Pt 1

_Author's note: As soon as I started the other story, I was able to finish this chapter! Weird! Thank you for all your kind reviews- I still wasn't sure about this story, but it's working out well._

_NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot and Disney_

"Where on earth are you taking us?" Joe asked as he helped Clarisse through the barbed wire fence, and followed her through another pile of snow.

"Underneath this snow is a path that will take us to the back of the palace," she explained as he followed her. Joseph groaned to himself- all he wanted to do was sit down in front of a blazing fire, sipping a cup of tea- or something even stronger. She stopped for a moment, and he was amazed at the change he was seeing in her- she had a wide smile on her face, and her blue eyes were sparkling.

Although there were a lot of painful memories associated with the palace, she had forgotten that there were also happy memories of times when she had played with the boys…or even when she had gone on long walks alone…well, not exactly alone- Joseph was always three or four steps behind her. But she had forgotten how alive she felt when she was outside…too many years had been spent behind a desk, or in parliament.

"It shouldn't be too far from here!" she told him before she continued walking through the snow, Joe still trailing behind her.

"Thank goodness," Joseph muttered under his breath- the trip hadn't gone exactly according to plan, with the car running out of fuel, being locked out of the palace, and then Clarisse leading him on a merry chase! He almost wished that they hadn't left the palace- but, then again, it made his heart light to see how happier Clarisse was, away from all the business of palace life. He knew that she needed a break from it from time to time, and he was grateful that she had asked him, and only him, to accompany her.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't realise that the Queen had stopped until he collided into the back of her, and they both fell over into the soft snow.

"I'm sorry," Joe said awkwardly, standing up again almost immediately, and holding out a hand to the Queen who, to his relief, was still sitting in the snow and laughing.

"I'm sorry Joseph. I forgot that I needed to slow down to find this gate, and also for you. Are your knees hurting?"

"No," Joe lied- they were rather painful, but Clarisse, sensing the truth, looked him straight in the eye.

"I'll get you something to warm your knees up when we get inside….but, here we are! Here's the gate we have to enter!"

"So, are we almost at the palace?" Joe asked as he followed her through the gate, and felt silly when he asked the question. Of course, he remembered the way- he remembered some of the excursions he had taken with Her Majesty when she had needed time alone from the palace.

* * *

"_Your Majesty?" Queen Clarisse Renaldi, Queen Consort, heard a voice calling from behind her as she walked down the lawn, and she sighed but continued walking. She didn't want to be anywhere near the palace on such a beautiful day- but, to be honest, that was only half her reason. The other half was that Rupert was entertaining some friends of his, and she couldn't stand to be anywhere near them. She hoped that whoever was following her would soon realise that she wanted to be __alone_

"_Your Majesty?" came a quieter call, almost from beside her, and, with a deep sigh, she turned to almost collide with Joseph Bonnell, her loyal bodyguard._

"_Yes, what is it, Joseph?" she asked heavily, and Joseph almost felt guilty for stopping her from going on what was obviously a long walk._

"_Are you going for a walk?"_

"_Yes, I am. I would prefer that I could go alone," but, despite the sharp words, she knew that she wouldn't be allowed to go alone- and Joseph's face told her that._

"_I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but I can't let you go alone," he said quietly, and she sighed again. She had been Queen of Genovia, Rupert's Consort, for nearly 30 years, and having her own personal security still irked her. She was a woman who valued her own privacy and space, yet she was always closely watched and protected- even from afar._

"_Alright, who's going to accompany me?" she looked at him with her honest blue eyes, and Joe was again struck by not only how beautiful they were, but how there was now a constant look of sadness there. He had often wondered whether she had ever been happy in her marriage to King Rupert- his indiscretions were the talk of the palace, and Joseph wondered why Rupert looked elsewhere when he had a beautiful, and kind, wife in front of him._

"_If it's alright with you, Your Majesty, I would like to accompany you," he said, bowing low. When he looked up again, he was surprised to see a smile on her face._

"_I think that would be alright with me," she said softly, before turning on her heel and continuing her walk, Joseph only a few steps behind. _

_When they got out of sight of the palace, Clarisse stopped and turned to him._

"_I think it's ridiculous that you are walking back there, and I'm walking ahead of you. Would you like to walk beside me?" _

_The borders between royalty and the rest of the world irked her but it was only now, as she passed through her fifth decade, that she felt comfortable enough to try and break down some of those borders. Of course, Rupert or her parents would never have approved._

"_I'd like that, Your Majesty," Joseph said with a smile- he sensed that Clarisse was stepping out of her comfort zone with her request- this was the first time that she had asked him to walk beside her._

"_And," she added as he joined her. "Could you call me Clarisse- when we're alone?"_

"_It would be an honour…Clarisse," he said the last word softly, and she blushed. She had wanted to ask him to call her that for so long, but she knew that Rupert wouldn't approve…but, as long as it was only between the two of them, it wouldn't hurt anyone._

* * *

"Yes, I remember that day," Clarisse said with a smile as they walked towards the back of the palace- they could see it in the distance. "I broke down a few social barriers that day!" 

"And I think you were very brave to do that," Joe said calmly, and Clarisse blushed, but didn't say anything. There was a comfortable silence as they finally reached the palace steps, and Clarisse looked at Joe with a mixture of embarrassment and confusion.

"I don't really like admitting this, but do you know where the cars are kept?"

She hated sounding so ignorant about things that were routine for most people, but she had never had to find petrol before. Joe grinned, and took her gloved hand in his- it felt really nice to both of them, but they didn't look at each other.

"I do- just come with me!"

He led her around the side of the palace, and pressed a hidden button in the wall, which revealed an underground door.

"Are the cars down under the palace?" Clarisse gasped in astonishment- she had never thought to ask where the cars were kept. Much to her shame, she had never thought about any of those things, just as long as the car was waiting in front for her when she was ready to go.

"Yes, this is our underground parking," Joe teased, and led her down the stairs, flicking on a light as he went. When they got to the bottom of the stairs, Clarisse gasped- there were at least 30 cars here, with the famous limousines, plain black sedans, and several black 4WD.

"I never realised…" she murmured, half to herself, as she wandered through the neat rows of cars.

"There weren't that many that know about the cars, Clarisse- I only discovered this by accident," he said as he walked over to the other side of the room. "Great- found a canister of petrol!" He shook it gingerly.

"It sounds like there's enough here to get the car to a petrol station…."

He turned to the Queen.

"Do you mind coming with me- I don't think I could walk that distance again, and I need you to drive the car we borrow here back!"

"Mind? I certainly do mind- we came all this way for my break away, and you want me to drive a car back here!" Clarisse looked at him mock haughtily, and then laughed. "It's fine with me, Joseph!"

It was only a five minute drive back to where the other car was still parked, on the side of the road.

"It's lucky this part of the road is usually deserted- imagine the uproar if someone had found this car!" Clarisse said thoughtfully as she watched Joe pour the petrol- via a funnel- into the other car.

"Yes- one of the Queen's fleet of cars stolen…but who on earth would steal a car? How on earth would they have gotten into the car?" Joe grinned over his shoulder at her, and she giggled. Once he was finished, he escorted her to the driver's side of the other car.

"So, will you be alright to get back to the palace?" he asked, opening the door, and she stepped in, before giving him an amused look.

"Joseph, my driver's license may have expired in America, but I still know how to drive a car!"

He had to laugh- he had forgotten that the Queen was still very independent, despite the restrictions placed on her daily life.

"I'll meet you back at the palace…hang on, how are we going to get these cars up to the palace?"

"I'll find a way," she smiled mysteriously, before driving off slowly for a few metres, and then literally taking off, almost disappearing from Joseph's sight.

"That woman is going to kill me," he muttered under his breath as he watched her car's taillights in the distance. But then again, he thought to himself, that was what he loved most about her- although she seemed to be so demure and proper in public, and even at the palace, she still had the capacity to surprise and keep everyone- him in particular- on their toes!

Sure enough, she proved him right again- after filling up the car, he drove back to the palace and was surprised to see Clarisse, car parked just behind her, standing in front of the now open gates.

"What on earth…?" he started as he began to get out of the car, and she held up her left hand, waving a silver key from it.

"I remembered that Phillipe had had several spare keys made when he wanted to come out here on weekends…and I even remembered where he had hidden them!"

"You amaze me, Clarisse," he admitted, and she looked at him in surprise.

"Why?"

"Because you seem to be one person that the public and parliament see, and then I see a completely different person!" She shrugged modestly.

"It must be the fresh air that's doing it….now drive the car through so I can lock the gates again. It won't do to have people see the palace gates open!"

"Yes ma'am," Joe said with a mock salute, and hopped back into his car.

* * *

After parking both cars in the underground garage, Joe opened the boot of the car they had travelled in, and looked at the luggage that they had packed that morning. He had only brought one suitcase with him, which looked rather basic compared against everything Clarisse had brought. 

"What are you looking at?" Clarisse walked over to where he was standing, and looked down into the boot before laughing.

"How on earth am I going to carry all of this upstairs?" Joe asked as he joined in her laughter.

"Don't worry about all of this, Joseph. If I really need anything, I'm sure I might have it in my suite…and, if not, I can always come down here and get it. I only really need these two," she selected one of her biggest suitcases, and one of her bags. "And I should be alright."

"I hope you are," Joe teased as he retrieved his own belongings, and closing the boot.

He led them out of the garage with the assistance of another secret door, which led to the main foyer of the palace. Clarisse looked back at the doorway in amazement.

"I see that there are other passages I haven't explored yet!"

"Explored yet? How many have you explored?"

"Oh, quite a few," she looked coy as he put their suitcases down, and looked around the dark and chilly hall.

Both of them remembered some of the Christmas and New Year's Balls that had been held there, and when the hall was completely crammed with people. It hadn't been the people that had made their night though….

Clarisse coughed discreetly, and broke the silence between them.

"This is quite an event- arriving at the palace and no one is here to greet me!"

"It was always rather tight getting word to the palace staff to be out in the hallway, ready to greet you, when we arrived….sometimes we would ring when we were literally five minutes away!"

"Really? I never knew that- and you were sitting in the front seat of the car!" Clarisse looked at him, intrigued.

"Really," Joseph affirmed, remembering one particular occasion when he wasn't sure that they would even leave the palace in Pyrus!

After another pause, he took her suitcase and bag in his hands.

"I'll take these up to your suite- and I'll take mine down to my room later."

Clarisse watched him for a moment, deep in thought, before stopping him as he walked towards the stairs.

"You know, you don't have to go all the way downstairs to those cold rooms to sleep…" she paused again, trying to find the right words to say.

"There are rooms upstairs that will be much more comfortable on your back and knees…."

She trailed off, trying not to flush at the intense look that Joseph was giving her. He slowly walked back to her, put her bags down, and then tipped her face up to look at him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said after a moment, and then stepped easily aside.

"I think there are some nice suites down the hall from me…the staff would have cleaned the rooms after that party in November….So…."she stepped over to where Joseph's luggage was standing, and picked up his suitcase.

"You carry mine, and I'll carry yours."

She followed him upstairs, looking around as she went- this palace was less formal than the main palace in Pyrus and, as a result, she felt more comfortable here. Rupert much preferred to stay in town so, when she came out here to stay, she was usually on her own, although Phillipe had sometimes accompanied her, and Mia wanted to come here on her next visit. As a result, the paintings and wall decorations were less fancy- and, even better, there wasn't as much security in the palace, although there had been discussions to upgrade that as 'the parliamentarians didn't feel as safe there.'

"Here we are," he placed her bags on the floor, and then opened the double doors of her suite. "I can make a fire in here later, if you want."

"Thank you, Joseph," she said softly, before walking into her suite. "I never thought I'd be so happy to see this suite again," she said half to herself as she wandered into her living room.

Although she loved the suite she had in the main palace, she sometimes preferred the simpler tastes and decorations in this suite- there were flowers usually scattered around in vases (when she came in spring), and she hadn't had a desk installed in her. This room was her sanctuary, the place she felt safe in, and she didn't want her duties spreading into this part of her life. This was the place she felt safe, and could come to when she felt really down…..

She was engrossed in her thoughts for a moment that she didn't hear Joseph come in again, carrying her bags.

"How are you feeling? I know that we couldn't come out here after...but you did come out when you had that New Year's Ball...?"

Clarisse sighed, and turned around to look at him, before sitting down on the couch with a nostalgic sigh..

'Sad, because I would never see Phillipe playing football out in the garden with his men, but happy…this place has always been a sanctuary for me…."

"I know that," Joseph said gravely, and they shared a long look before Joseph looked away, breaking the moment.

"I think I had better go and find some wood for the fire." His decision galvanized Clarisse into action.

"And I'll put your bags in the suite the Prime Minister usually stays in- it's two doors down," she said by way of explanation, as she stood up.


	4. Eating In

_Author's note: Here's the next chapter…please keep reading…I know that I may be drawing this out a bit long, and taking a long time to write a chapter, but I'm hoping I'll be able to keep going with it! Hope you're enjoying it!  
NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Disney and Meg Cabot._

Within half an hour, there was a roaring fire in Clarisse's fireplace, and Joe was reclining comfortably on the couch, while Clarisse had gone to find something for his knees. The fall in the snow hadn't helped his knees, and carrying in some of the firewood from the secret stash opposite the suite had only made them worse. But he had been determined that Clarisse wouldn't have to do it, despite her protests and arguments.

"I may be Queen of Genovia, Joseph, but I am not completely useless!"

So, she had insisted on going to find special heat packs that Phillipe had used on his back.

"You really don't have to…my knees are fine…" he had tried to object as she had disappeared out the door, but when she had given him her special, penetrating look, he knew it was futile to try and argue with her. It was useless to argue with her about anything, he thought wryly with a grin, although she was usually right.

"Here we are!" he heard Clarisse say as she walked back into the suite, closing the door behind her with a nudge. "I brought you a nice cup of tea, and one of Phillipe's heat packs, warmed up in the microwave down in the kitchen."

"I wondered where you had gone," Joe said, gratefully accepting the tea, while Clarisse gently laid the heat pack across his knees.

"Wait," he paused for a moment. "Did I hear you say that you warmed this up in a _microwave_?"

"You did," Clarisse replied calmly as she checked on the fire, and then sank stiffly down into her chair, before giving Joseph a shy glance.

"You don't mind if I'm not too formally here?"

"Not at all," Joe replied, not adding that he preferred her when she was relaxed and happy, like she was this afternoon.

"Oh, that feels better," Clarisse said with a happy smile as she curled herself into her favourite chair- it was big enough for two people, and she just loved curling up in it, particularly in front of a fire. She had often done most of her thinking here, and she loved even just staring mindlessly into the fire.

She wasn't aware that Joseph was watching her, with a smile on his face. She had never realised just how beautiful she was, he thought to himself as she stared dreamily into the fire, and that was the greatest part of her charm- her complete unawareness of herself and her looks.

Clarisse sighed again, and turned to speak to Joseph, and was startled to see him looking at her intensely.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, turning herself around in her chair to face him.

"Because…I can't believe I'm sitting out your couch, in front of your fire," Joe said, not telling her what he was really thinking. He didn't want to spoil their friendship, particularly if Clarisse didn't feel the same way about him.

"Yes, that's a privilege," Clarisse pretended to look at him regally before bursting out laughing. "As is being a nurse maid when the Queen is ill," she added with a chuckle.

'Oh yes," Joseph said, making a face, and hiding the fact that he had loved every minute of caring for her- even if it had only been a short amount of time.

* * *

_It had been a particularly cold winter in Genovia and everyone, except Her Majesty, had seemed to come down with the flu, or winter colds. Both Charlotte and Joseph, the two who worked closest with Clarisse, were battling colds, and they were surprised that the Queen hadn't come down with anything._

"_Poor Joseph," Clarisse said sympathetically as she heard Joseph's hacking cough in the hallway, before he appeared in the doorway of her study. "I guess the cold hasn't passed yet?"_

_She was feeling very, very sorry for Joseph, but she couldn't help but feel a little smug that she hadn't caught anything yet._

"_No it hasn't, Your Majesty," Joe said hoarsely, huddling in the chair opposite Clarisse's desk that she had offered him._

"_Are you sure that you don't want to go to bed for the next few days?" Clarisse looked at him with concern- as much as she was relieved that she wasn't sick, she hated to see her number one security man, and friend, down with it, and clearly suffering. "I can always have Scott or Peter working until you get better."_

"No, I'll be alright," Joe straightened up, pretending to feel better. Although he was feeling absolutely dreadful, he couldn't bear going a day or so without seeing Clarisse.

"So, what are your plans for today, Your Majesty?"

"_Hay fever? In winter? "Joseph asked in disbelief. It was the middle of January, traditionally the coldest month in Genovia, and spring was over a month away._

"_Yes…or there could be flowers that I'm allergic to…or dust particles," Clarisse defended herself, and then sat back down at her desk, trying to gather her thoughts again. Unless he was very much mistaken, Joseph surmised to himself, it sounded like Clarisse was coming down with a cold. _

"_Now, as I was saying…"_

_Nearly two days later, Clarisse was feeling the worse she had in years, and the doctor had confirmed that she had contracted the flu._

"_Are there any antibiotics I can have?" Clarisse asked after the examination, in the privacy of her own suite. The doctor, her doctor for many years, smiled and closed his bag with a snap._

"_Unfortunately not, Your Majesty. This is a viral infection, so all I can recommend is plenty of rest, and plenty of fluids. I would also advise you to cancel your obligations for the next few days, as I don't think you will be able to do it as well as you wish."_

"_What do you mean?"_

_  
"This flu has only just begun, Your Majesty. I would recommend that you have some rest, otherwise it will get only worse."_

"_Thank you," Clarisse leaned back on her couch with a sigh. As the doctor headed towards the door, she thought of someone she wanted to see._

"_Could you send Joseph in when you leave?_

_After the doctor disappeared, she sat back on her pillow and sighed- she hadn't expected this to happen to her at all. She had hoped that she would have been able to avoid any illness, but after attending so many functions in the cold, and been surrounded by people who had been sick, and had not gone home, it was to be expected._

_The door slowly opened and, as Joseph walked in, Clarisse turned her face and glared at him- it was his and Charlotte's fault that she was sick! Joe, now feeling almost back to normal, felt a little apprehensive at the look Clarisse was giving him, but, knowing what the doctor had told him, he knew that she wouldn't mean it._

"_How are you feeling?" she asked, semi sarcastically, as he walked over to the couch where she was ensconces, covered in blankets and leaning against several pillows. A roaring fire was blazing in the fireplace and, as usual, there were piles of work surrounding her- but, he was surprised to see, that she wasn't doing any of it. She really must be feeling under the weather._

"_I'm feeling much better, Your Majesty. And you?" he almost mentally hit himself on the forehead at the question. But he had been more concerned about not calling her Clarisse, as he could see that she was feeling very cranky._

"_As the doctor would have told you, I have the flu- and it really hasn't hit me yet, apparently, although it feels like it has!"  
"Yes, it gets worse…" Joe said helpfully, and was rewarded by another icy blue glare._

"_This is entirely your fault, you know- yours and Charlotte's! Wait until I get my hands on Charlotte…"_

"_I'm sorry for giving this to you…but, you have to admit, you were rather smug that you hadn't got it before, weren't you?"_

_Clarisse looked away, into the fire, for a moment- as usual, Joseph had read her thoughts, and realised what she had been thinking. Joseph was a little concerned that she was going to erupt again, but he was relieved to see a tiny smile playing at the corners of her mouth. When she looked back at him, he was relieved to see that, despite how ill she was, her eyes were sparkling a little._

"_Yes…serves me right, I suppose?"_

_  
She lay back on the pillows, a small smile on her face, but Joe thought that she looked uncomfortable._

"_Would you prefer to lie down in your bedroom?" he asked politely, and she smiled weakly at him._

"_I would…but I don't think I have the energy to move at all." _

_After a split second decision, Joseph walked over and threw off the blankets that covered her, much to her surprise._

"_What are you doing?" Clarisse asked, a little embarrassed that Joseph was seeing her in her pajamas._

"_Put your arms around my neck," he said as he slipped his arms underneath her. She complied, and was half surprised and half touched when he lifted her easily off the couch._

"_How are your knees?" she asked with concern as they headed in the direction of her bedroom._

"_Fine" and he wasn't lying- the pain had disappeared. He felt as though he was carrying a feather. The bed had been turned down, so he gently deposited her on her bed, and helped her pull the covers over._

"_Do you want the other blankets?"_

_  
"No, thank you- I think I will be alright now…" Clarisse said as she snuggled down into her bed. "And my maids put my electric blanket on…" she leaned her head contentedly back on her pillows, and closed her eyes._

_Joseph quietly turned around and headed towards the door._

"_Joseph?" he turned to see her watching him._

"_Yes…Clarisse?"_

_  
"Thank you," she murmured, as her eyes began to close again. She was beginning to feel the effects of the flu, and suddenly felt very sleepy…_

"_It was my pleasure," he whispered softly, before turning and tiptoeing out the door..._

* * *

"Yes, I think I may have been really sick that day," Clarisse said reflectively, looking at the fire for a moment, and then looking back at Joseph. "But, I had never been carried like that before…not even Rupert did that," and she smiled softly at him. She didn't add that she had felt so safe in his arms, although she had been worried that he would hurt his knees by carrying her.

There was a long silence as they both stared into the fire, both deep in thought, before Clarisse yawned, and then stood up and stretched. Joseph, his knees feeling better, followed suit.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, and she looked at him in surprise- although she knew that they could often read each other's thoughts, it was still a surprise to realise that he read her thoughts that well. "I could bring it up here!"

"Nonsense, Joseph. I was going to do the same…it's rather chilly down in the kitchen…" she trailed off, looking into the fire. "So, I was going to go and find some food for us."

"Are you sure you know where it is?" he teased, and she looked at him with a mock offended look for a moment.

"I'm not that out of touch with the real world, Joseph Bonnell!"

"I actually thought that I was going to get the food!" Joe protested, following Clarisse to the door. Clarisse spun around, a smile on her face.

"So, what are we going to do?"

"I think we could do it together…" Joseph began slowly, and realised that he was right when he saw the smile on her face.

* * *

The Winter Palace kitchen wasn't as luxurious or as large as the main palace, but it was always well stocked with food and supplies, just in case any members of the parliament, or the royal family themselves, happened to 'drop by'.

"That was thanks to my insistence that food should always be here," Clarisse said as she followed Joseph into the kitchen, and switching the light on at the wall. "If it had been up to Rupert, we would have needed at least two car loads of food brought up here every time we came!"

"Yes, I can remember you and His Majesty strongly debating that subject," Joseph said as he went to turn the kettle on for cups of tea. Clarisse, standing stock still in front of the refrigerator, turned and looked at him filling the kettle.

"Joseph?"

"Mmmmm?"

"Did you ever call him Rupert?" Joseph, still filling the kettle, let out a snort.

"I very much doubt I did- if I did, it was probably an accident….His Majesty wasn't the sort of person that invited confidences from his security personnel- particularly people who were guarding his wife!"

"Did you ever tell him anything about me?" she asked in a small voice, and he turned to look at her reassuringly.

"Whatever I saw, I never told anyone else- you can always trust me, Clarisse."

He looked at her with his honest brown eyes, and his eyes told her what she had always known- he would never betray her confidence- ever. She now felt a little silly that she had asked the question.

"I know I can trust you Joseph- it's something for which I will always be grateful," she said softly, but loud enough for him to hear, but when he had turned around to look at her, she had disappeared into the pantry.

"What do you feel like?" she called. "We have plenty of packets of soup…noodles….biscuits... My goodness, I think I'm going to have to have Charlotte have some of the staff restock these shelves…I'm sure that they had pasta somewhere here….!"

"Maybe we could do into town tomorrow?" Joseph suggested tentatively, and she poked her head around the corner of the pantry with a delighted look on her face.

"Maybe we could wear disguises…wait, it's New Year's Day tomorrow- I don't think any thing will be open…I'm sure we can make do until the next day…" before she disappeared into the pantry again.

"I'll just have soup, then," Joseph called, as he turned on the stove. "Would you like me to heat it up for us?"

Clarisse appeared in the doorway, clutching a tin, and looking at him with an amused look on her face.

"Joseph…that's the second time you've implied that I'm useless…and, this time, you are right…yes, I would like you heat it up for us…I can find bowls and cutlery.

She smiled to herself as she bent down into a cupboard- she had never imagined that she would be pretending to be domesticated with her bodyguard…not that she had never dreamed of it!

"How long until dinner is ready?" she asked, putting two bowls and spoons on the kitchen table, and looking for cups and saucers for their tea.

"Not long at all…actually," he gave the soup one more stir, and then took the soup out. "It's ready now."

After pouring the soup equally into the two bowls, they sat down facing each other.

"I thought we were going back upstairs?" Joseph asked quizzically, and Clarisse looked up from buttering a slice of bread.

"We were…oh well, it seems alright down here, so we might as well stay down here!" After a pause, she spoke again.

"This is delicious soup," Clarisse said after tasting one spoonful. "I wonder if I get this when the palace is full?"

"I don't think so, Clarisse. I don't even think most of parliament would eat this- they do expect to be treated in the royal style."

"Yes….when they come here, they expect to have all the comforts of a member of the royal family," Clarisse chuckled, and then continued eating her soup.

"What about you? Where do you have your dinner…when you aren't accompanying me to events," she added with a smile.

"I usually have my meals with Scott and the rest of the boys in the security room…it's actually quite comfortable in there, with our own personal kitchen next door."

"I would like to see it some time," Clarisse smiled at him. "Except, it has to be at a time when there isn't anyone else there."

"Of course, Your Majesty." Clarisse stopped and smiled at him.

"Joseph, are you forgetting that you can call me Clarisse?"

"I know…it's just a habit that I've been in for a long time…."

"I know," Clarisse looked sad for a moment. "Most of the few friends I still have feel inclined to call me that, even when I ask them to call me by my actual name."

She could still remember the first time one of her friends had called her 'Your Highness', shortly after her marriage to Rupert, and she had never forgotten how isolated it had made her feel.

"I will always call you by your name when we're alone," Joseph said gravely, looking at the sad look on her face. She looked up at him, and her face brightened.

"Thank you, Joseph."

* * *

There was a long companionable silence, as they enjoyed the rest of the meal. Joseph, after finishing his soup, leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

"Still hungry?" Clarisse asked as she finished the last dregs of her soup.

"No…I'm full to the brim."

"So am I," Clarisse said with a sigh, pushing her soup bowl to the side, and leaning back in her chair.

"So what do we do now?" Joseph said, looking over at her, and she shrugged happily.

"I don't know…and, for once, I am glad that I don't have to be somewhere, or in a meeting with someone…this is just perfect….and," she added, looking at her watch. "We've actually had our dinner early- it's not even 5:30 yet!"

"Oh!" Joe said, looking at his watch. "It's just that it looks so dark outside," he stood up, stretching, and walked over to the window. "See?" It's almost completely dark outside!"

Clarisse followed him to the sink, carrying their bowls, and looked out at the snowy, dark scene.

"Yes…and there are no lights from the town…nothing that could disturb us here …I sometimes wish…" she stopped abruptly, before putting the bowls in the sink with a clatter, and smiling brightly at him.

"I think we can leave these until later, Joseph…actually, I feel like having a shower, and then watching a movie…what about you?"

"I'm happy to do whatever you want, Clarisse," he said easily, although he wanted to know what she had been going to say a few moments before.

"Right…well, why don't we have our showers in our suites, and then meet in my suite…" she said as she walked over to the doorway, before turning. "…unless you want to watch a movie on your own?"

"No, I'll be happy to watch whatever you want," he said easily, following her to the door.


	5. Memories in the Palace Pt 2

_Author's Note: FINALLY- here is the next chapter in my story! I had some problems over it, but now it's fine…hope you enjoy it!_

_NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot and Disney_

Half an hour later, there was a soft knock on the door of Clarisse's suite and, with a smile, she opened the door to find Joseph standing there, looking perfectly respectable in his bathrobe, his pajamas just visible from under the collar. She burst out laughing, opening the door wider to let him in, and revealing that she too was wearing flannel pajamas and her warmest dressing gown.

"You had the same idea as me!" she said, waving casually to her attire, by way of explanation to Joseph's quizzical expression. His face softened when he realised why she had been laughing.

"I figured that it was just as well…."

"To change into pajamas," Joseph finished her sentence for her, and they shared a long look for a moment, before Clarisse broke it and blushed.

"Anyway, come in…" she stepped back, and he walked into the room, turning to watch her close the door behind him.

She would never know it, but he had had his shower in five minutes, and had spent the remaining 25 minutes pacing his room. He had been in Clarisse's suite a number of times, usually to remind of a function she had to attend, but he had never spent any length of time there- especially not for a couple of hours!

Clarisse, meanwhile, carefully closed the door, keeping her back towards him but well aware that he was watching her. He would never know it, but she had taken less than 10 minutes in the shower, and had spent the rest of her time straightening up things that didn't need it, or looking at herself critically in the mirror. Why on earth was she nervous about Joseph watching a movie with her? He had been in her suite on more than one occasion, and nothing untoward had happened then.

What had suddenly hit them was that they were all alone in the palace- there were no servants to interrupt, no security guards, or even parliamentarians who had happened to 'drop in'. For the next few days, it was only them in the palace.

"So, what are we going to watch?" he asked when she turned to look at him, not only to actually find out what they were watching, but to break the atmosphere between them. It had been much easier to avoid this in Pyrus, where there were many eyes watching them, but it was much harder out here….

"I hope you've got a few choices there," he added as he followed her over to the cabinet where all her DVDs were kept. "No more than one romance!"

"Well…"she turned, with sparkling blue eyes. "No more than one action film, and NO horror films," she shuddered at the thought of them- particularly the last time she had watched one.

"You still remember that sleepover with Mia and Lily?" he asked innocently, as she stopped and look over at him with a grin.

"Yes…and I know you do too!" she retorted.

* * *

_Mia had celebrated her sixteenth birthday with her mother in the US, and had then flown over, accompanied by Lily, at the end of July, as planned, to spend more time with Clarisse, and to begin learning about her heritage. Clarisse, happy to have her granddaughter back in her life after 15 long years, cleared her schedule for the month so she could spend it with Mia._

"_I'm really looking forward to doing nothing," she admitted to Charlotte on the way to the airport, to pick up the girls and Joseph- while Joseph was primarily Clarisse's bodyguard, she had asked him to accompany Mia to Genovia that summer, as Mia clearly trusted him._

"_It's going to be a good summer," Clarisse said, with a little hesitation- although Clarisse had gradually grown more and more relaxed in her company over the years, she was still aware of the boundary that separated them- Clarisse was Queen, whereas she was only her private assistant._

_Clarisse smiled at Charlotte- she too was aware that Charlotte still felt hesitant to talk casually in front of her, and she hoped that it would eventually melt away. It was rather isolating not being able to relax with people she trusted, like Charlotte and Joseph…The thought of Joseph made her realise that she had missed him the past week, when he had been in San Francisco…She hadn't realised that she would…_

_Mia had fallen in love with Genovia the moment she had seen it from the air, and she had wasted no time in planning on seeing as much of the country as she could in the month she was there. She had been ecstatic when Clarisse had announced she had cancelled her schedule for the month. _

_First thing on her list was a movie night and, as Mia's suite wouldn't be finished until she made a permanent move to Genovia, Lily and Mia had decided to hold in Clarisse's suite, where they were staying._

"_If you ladies will excuse me, I'll go and do some work in my study." _

_Clarisse had tried to disappear from the suite discreetly- from past experience, she knew that young people usually didn't want any adults present. She was pleasantly surprised, however, to see that Mia looked genuinely disappointed when she had tried to disappear._

"_Please stay, Grandma. This is going to be so much fin…and Joe's going to come too, aren't you Joe?" she appealed to the clearly surprised Joe, who had just materialized in the suite, overseeing the transfer of the two mattresses._

"_What…No, Princess, I was actually going to unpack, and have an early night."  
However, one look at the upset face of the Princess made him relent._

"_Alright, I'll stay…that is, if Your Majesty doesn't mind," he said, turning to look at a surprised Clarisse._

"_No…No, that's fine with me…and yes," she relented. "I'll stay too!"_

_  
"Great!" Mia jumped up and down with joy, before turning to join Lily in riffling through a large bag of DVDs they had brought with them. Clarisse had raised her eyebrows at this_

"_We didn't think you'd like any movies that we watched," was Mia's way of explanation._

"_I hope you don't mind," Joseph's voice brought her back from watching them, and Clarisse only smiled, secretly relieved that someone would be with her in the room._

"_It's fine with me…Mia invited you, and…." But she suddenly found that she couldn't finish the sentence._

_Unfortunately, the first film that the girls chose was a horror film- and it was a bloodthirsty one at that. While the girls were clearly enjoying themselves, pretending to be shocked or scared, Clarisse was sitting rigidly in her seat, her hands clutching the arms of the seat, pretending to enjoy the film, but instead being scared rigid. Stealing a glance over at Joseph, she was surprised to see that he was enjoying the film, with no look of horror on his face…that traitor! He was enjoying this!_

_Confident that there wouldn't be a worse scene in the film than what she had already witnessed, she turned her face back to the screen, and had begun to relax, when another scene appeared, and this one was much worse! She realised that she was clutching the chair arms again and, even in the darkness, she could see that her knuckles had gone white. Suddenly, she was surprised to feel someone's smooth, warm hand take one of hers…she looked over in surprise, and saw that Joseph was smiling at her, squeezing her hand reassuringly. She began to relax again when, in a sudden plot twist, the girls shrieked loudly, popcorn flew everywhere, and Clarisse jumped out of her seat in fright._

_She had had enough, and she managed to walk over to the doorway and switch on the lights, before collapsing in a chair nearby, with vivid images from the film playing in her vision. Mia and Lily, after pausing the film, turned away from the screen, curious looks on their faces, while Joseph walked over to her, and knelt at her feet, taking both her hands in his._

"_Are you alright?"_

"_Yes…that was just too much…"she began to say, before they were joined by a concerned looking Mia. Joseph immediately pulled one hand away, but Clarisse, subconsciously or otherwise, held on tightly to his other hand._

"_Are you alright, Grandma?"_

_  
"You actually enjoy watching that?" Clarisse, now that the film had been turned off, had finally recovered the power of speech, asked as she waved to the screen. Mia, looking nonchalant, shrugged._

"_Sort of," she said carelessly. "It's not as bad as some others I've seen."_

_  
"WHAT?" Clarisse was genuinely horrified that a future Queen of Genovia was being exposed to this type of film…imagine…_

"_We'll watch something else, Grandma…it was getting a bit icky for me…and I've got a movie that Joe says is one of your favourites…" as she held up the case of 'Dr Zhivago'. Clarisse was half relieved that they were going to watch something else, and half torn to look at Joseph, took a deep breath and smiled at Mia._

"_Thank you, Mia. I haven't seen that in a long time…but only if you don't want to watch something else……"_

* * *

"I hope you aren't going to suggest that!" Joe joked as she looked through her DVD cabinet.

"No, I thought that it wouldn't be suitable for New Year's Eve…but it's so romantic," she sighed deeply, before continuing to rummage through her DVDs before holding one up.

"Would you tolerate this one tonight?"

Joseph squinted at the cover- it was something called 'Breakfast at Tiffany's', and he suddenly remembered that he had seen it before….with Clarisse, as he distinctly remembered.

"Yes, I actually like this one," Joseph said agreeably as she walked over to the television and DVD player. She switched the television on, but was staring blankly at the DVD player, until Joe realised she needed help.

"Do you want some help with that?"

"Yes…please," Clarisse looked over at him, half embarrassed, but Joseph didn't mind walking over to put the disc in.

"I'm sorry…I'm not in tune with modern technology…would you believe that Mia has set up an email account for me…."

She trailed off, and Joe couldn't help but laugh at the puzzled expression on her face. "What's so funny?"

"You really aren't that up to date with technology, are you?"

"Do you use email?"

"Sometimes," Joe admitted. "Would you like me to help you when you need help?" He cursed himself, realizing that he had repeated help twice in one sentence, but Clarisse hadn't seemed to notice, as she gave him a delighted look.

"Would you? I would be so grateful!" she cried, forgetting that Mia had promised that Charlotte would help her- she was so happy that Joseph would help her…. They shared another long look before Clarisse looked at the television screen, and realised that there was a menu on the screen.

"So, now what do we do?" she looked at Joseph again, and he laughed as he took the remote control from her.

"Well, we sit down…" as she sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a nearby chair (both facing the television)…"And I do this…" he pressed a button at the screen, and the screen went blank, before the familiar strains of 'Moon River' began playing.

"I love that song," Clarisse sighed happily, sinking back on the couch with a smile. Joseph watched her smile happily at the screen, and remembered the other occasion that he had watched this film with her, and the events that had preceded it….

* * *

"_Your Majesty?" Joseph came across Clarisse sitting on a bench in the garden, staring into space, the book she had been reading cast aside on the seat next to her. _

"_Your Majesty?" he repeated, a little louder, and she suddenly gave a start, realizing that someone had been calling her name. She sat up straight, her expression business-like, before turning to see who it was._

"_Yes?"_

_When she saw it was Joseph, her face softened again, and she visibly relaxed._

"_Oh Joseph! You scared me!"_

"I'm sorry, Your…Clarisse," he finished hurriedly as she raised an eyebrow at him- he knew that she preferred her name when they were alone. "I just came out to find you because…"

"His Majesty has asked to see me," Clarisse finished with a sigh, as she turned her face back towards the garden. "How is he now?"

"_How long have you been sitting out here?" he asked, sitting down beside her (after checking that the coast was clear), and closing the book. She sighed again, and looked at him._

"_For an hour or so… I had finished a meeting with some members of parliament, and I thought that I might go for a walk in the garden…and I ended up here…Did I miss anything of urgency?"_

_  
"Nothing of interest," Joe was fibbing slightly- there had been another meeting, this time with Sebastian Motez, but, considering the current palace climate, he had been more than willing to re-schedule the meeting. She looked at him with the first real smile he had seen in days._

"_I know you're telling a little fib, Joseph. I know I was meant to meet Prime Minister Motez this afternoon, but time just got away from me…and I just couldn't…" she looked down at her hands for a moment._

"_You don't have to explain it to me at all, Clarisse," Joseph said firmly, and she looked at him with, at first, surprise, and then her expression relaxed._

"_I know I don't, and I appreciate your discretion…Oh well," she sighed heavily, and stood up. "I suppose I had better go in and see what Rupert wants…you will be standing outside?"_

_  
"Of course…you didn't think I'd be anywhere else, did you?"_

_Her audience with Rupert lasted less than 20 minutes, and she was looking grave and pale when she emerged from her suite. Joe didn't want to look too closely at her face, but he could see that she had been crying._

"_I feel like watching a film," she said suddenly as they walked back to her suite, Joseph four steps behind her, as usual. "Would you care to join me?" she spun around and looked at him. _

_Joseph, put on the spot, was fighting two instincts- there was nothing he would have loved more, but he was also wary of the gossips in the palace that would try to make something out of it. He was more concerned about Clarisse, and her reputation, rather than his own- it wouldn't do for a security guard (her Head of Security, no less!) being seen emerging from Her Majesty's suite…particularly when the beloved King was dying a few metres away._

"_I would…but it's just that…" he stuttered, and she smiled sadly at him, a weary look on her face._

"_I understand…protocol wouldn't allow it, and neither would the gossips…" she sighed, and turned to walk again, before Joseph made a split second decision- Clarisse obviously needed the company, and he was perfectly entitled to 'meet' with his employer._

"_Alright, I'll watch a film with you," he whispered in her ea , before stepping smartly back into position. He knew it had been the right decision when she turned and smiled at him, relief obvious on her face.  
_

* * *

"Isn't that the loveliest ending?" Clarisse sighed after Joseph ejected the film, nearly two hours later. "I always cry at the end of that film!"

"It was a happy ending, wasn't it?" Joe looked at her, puzzled, and she laughed as she wiped her eyes with a nearby tissue.

"Yes it is, …it's so romantic!"

There was a long pause before Clarisse emerged from her reverie, and stood up to stretch.

"Since you have patiently endured one of my films, I guess it's your turn to choose," she waved a hand over to her DVD cabinet. "Some of them are not mine…Mia must have left them here last summer, and I forgot to return them to her…"

"Really?" Joseph said with a grin, holding up two cases- she couldn't see one, but she could see that the other was 'Speed'.

"Yes…just as long it's nothing like the horror I had to watch last year with Mia and Lily," she shuddered at the mere memory of the horror film they had watched.

"Alright, 'Speed' it is," Joseph said easily, placing the disc in the player, and pressing play. Clarisse watched him settle back in his chair- she had never imagined that she would be spending New Year's Eve watching films with her bodyguard…but, if she was really honest with herself, it was what she wanted.

She had never realised how much she relied on Joseph, and how steadying and kind he had been in return…and always discreet when personal matter between herself and Rupert were obvious to the rest of the palace…Even a few months before his death, Rupert had still been his normal self…and that included flirting with the ladies….

* * *

_Clarisse blinked back the tears as she watched her husband, the King, openly flirting with another woman at the New Year's Ball they were holding. Rupert's year long battle with cancer had been wide knowledge for many months, but very few people outside his intimate circle knew that he was dying. Clarisse herself had only been told because his doctor had insisted on telling her._

"_I'm sorry, Your Majesty…he didn't want to tell you, but I felt that, as his wife and Queen Consort, you were automatically entitled to know," the doctor informed her afterwards. He was a kind man, originally Rupert's roommate at Oxford, but he had come to know and respect Clarisse, and he secretly thought that Rupert had never really appreciated his beautiful wife._

"_Thank you, James. I understand completely," she said, trying to ignore the feelings welling up inside her- she didn't know which was worse- the fact that Rupert was dying, or the fact that he had tried to keep it a secret from her. It was a sign that her already distant marriage had become completely insurmountable._

_Rupert had insisted on holding the New Year's Ball, and Clarisse now found herself watching as Rupert chatted and laughed with a number of women he had known for years, while she was relegated to talking to the ageing parliamentarians, most of whom were Rupert's cronies. However, seeing him openly flirt with a countess she had thought was a friend was too much to bear, and she discreetly left the room before anyone saw the tears brimming in her eyes._

_She hurried down the hall, and walked into her private study, just a short stroll from the ballroom, and closed the door behind her before she let the tears flow. How could he do this to her? After so many years of being his loyal wife, mother of the 'heir and the spare', and Queen Consort, surely she deserved something beside contempt? For it was contempt that Rupert was showing, openly flirting with women she had thought were friends, while ignoring her at all costs._

_She didn't hear the soft knock on the door, and she turned around in fright when she heard someone open the door…it was Joseph, and her face visibly relaxed, as she sat down at her desk again, and put her face down on the desk._

"_I…I'll be…a…alright, Joseph," she said through her tears. "W-w-why don't you go back to the party…?"_

_  
"I'm not going anywhere, Clarisse, until I know that you're alright," he said firmly, and sat down in the chair opposite her desk. She looked up after a moment, and Joseph's heart went out to her- she looked absolutely devastated…not only was her husband dying, but he was showing her little respect as he flirted with other women._

"_I'll be fine, Joseph," she said with a weak smile, as tears continued to fill her eyes. Joseph silently passed her his crisp white handkerchief to her, and she smiled before wiping the tears away._

"_I'm going to have to get some more makeup before I go back in there…it wouldn't do for the people to see their Queen had been crying…"_

"It's perfectly understandable why you're crying," Joseph said reasonably. "But you shouldn't give any of them the satisfaction of seeing like you this…especially Rupert."

"_What I meant was that you should show him that you don't care what he does…you have done everything right by him all your married life, and you don't need to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he got to you."_

_He didn't want to let Clarisse know it, but he was furious at the King's behaviour- he had virtually ignored her all evening, and even some of his loyal friends were beginning to notice that he was neglecting his wife dreadfully. He had been hard pressed not to go up and hit him, but the exit of the Queen had distracted him._

_Clarisse finished wiping her eyes, and tried to hand back his handkerchief, but he waved it away._

"_I guess everyone noticed what was going out there, weren't they?" she said, a little forlornly, as she rummaged through her desk draw for the make up set she had always left there._

"_Yes…and, if I may say so, Clarisse…with no disrespect to the King, he looked like a complete fool."_

_Joseph was a little afraid after he made that comment that she would be angry at him, but she only sighed and smiled a little._

"_If he's a fool, I must be a bigger fool for standing by, watching him."_

"_You are NOT a fool, Clarisse…in fact, you're the only one tonight that comes out with any class!" He had also noticed half inebriated parliamentarians trying to hit on her, or dance drunkenly around the room with their wives, most of whom were severely embarrassed by the behaviour._

"_What time is it?" Clarisse asked, as she finished applying the makeup, and then checked her reflection in the mirror._

"_About 11:30, Clarisse."_

"I'd better get back in there…he'll notice I'm missing at midnight," she sighed heavily, and stood up. "I don't want to go in there again…"

"_Thank you, Joseph," she said when he finally let go. "That's given me enough strength to continue tonight…" and she slipped out the door._

* * *

The loudness of the television brought her out of her reverie, and she glanced over at Joseph, and smiled- he was on the edge of his seat, eyes glued to the screen, and his hands were gripping the arms of the chairs. He obviously liked this movie!

She felt in the pocket of her dressing gown, and her fingers touched what she was looking for- the handkerchief that Joseph had given her two years ago. He would never know, but she had carried it around in either her handbag, or her suit pockets, for the past two years…it made her feel closer to him…not that this didn't make her feel close to him….but imagine how surprised he would be if he knew!


	6. Let's Go Outside'

_Author's note: this is a little light chapter, and I thought it was really cute!_

_NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot and Disney_

All too soon, the movie ended, and Clarisse and Joe were left to wonder what they were going to do with the rest of the evening.

"What time is it?" Clarisse asked, breaking the comfortable silence between them and Joseph glanced at his ever present watch- even when he was in his pajamas, he still wore his watch, Clarisse chuckled to herself.

"It's 9:30…what do you want to do now?"

Clarisse sighed, and stood up to stretch, before walking over to the windows where she saw that it was snowing again.

"It looks like such a winter wonderland out there," she sighed as Joseph joined her at the window.

"Yes, and it looks like it would be really, really cold!"

Joseph was more than happy to stay inside, curled up around the fire, watching films, but, looking at Clarisse's face, he realised that she had another idea.

"How are your knees feeling?" she asked suddenly, and Joseph, momentarily stunned by the change in conversation, was lost for words before he quickly rallied.

"They're fine now…that heat pad really did wonders," and he was telling the truth- the heat pack had enormously, so much so that he was going to buy one of his own when they got back to Pyrus.

"I'm glad…" Clarisse said vaguely, before turning to him with her sharp blue eyes. "Can you meet me downstairs, in the main hallway, in ten minutes?"

"Yes…but why?" he asked warily- he was beginning to realise that Clarisse wanted to go outside.

"I feel like going outside for a little while…maybe we could build a snowman or something… maybe we could go tobogganing!"

"No tobogganing at 9:30 at night, thank you very much," Joseph laughed, and then relented when she turned a pleading face towards her. She was usually so restrained and reserved at the palace in Pyrus…he was liking the new side he was seeing in her. It was a side that had been hidden for a long time, and he was glad that he had seen it….

Meanwhile, Clarisse was aware of the fact that she was, not too subtly, flirting with Joseph- while they were in Pyrus, there had always been an invisible barrier between them. Although they had become friends over time, there had always been a silently acknowledged barrier- she was Queen of Genovia (and Rupert's wife), while he was still only Head of Security, a bodyguard, and no one would ever want to recognize their relationship…not that there would ever be one, she added hastily to herself, but she was also disappointed that it could never happen….

"Alright," Joseph pretended to give a great sigh, and then smiled. "We'll go out and build a snowman…but we had better not stray too far from the front…I don't want us to get lost!"

"We won't get lost!" Clarisse retorted with a beam, before hurrying to her wardrobe- a sign that Joe had to disappear to get dressed.

* * *

Predictably, it was freezing cold outside, and Joseph instantly regretted agreeing to come out here in the first place. But when he looked at Clarisse, he saw that she was delighted to be outside, unencumbered by the affairs of the country.

"It's cold…but it's so lovely out here!" Clarisse said with a smile, looking up at the cloudy sky. It was a complete opposite to summers there, although they had rarely come out here in the summer. However, when they did come out in the summer, or early autumn, she had always enjoyed the time there, especially when she went out on walks……with Joseph….

_After Clarisse's surprise request, their first walk had been in silence- Clarisse had been unable to believe what she had done, while Joseph had been simply stunned- but on other walks, they became more and more comfortable in each other's company. Instead of being Queen Consort of Genovia, and second in command of Security, they were only Clarisse and Joseph…_

_Whenever she went on walks, no matter where they were, she only asked for Joseph- none of the other men appealed to her, and she found that, whenever she was around Joseph, she could talk to him about anything, knowing that he would never tell a soul. She was aware that it was a basis for gossip, but this was made easier when Joseph was promoted to her Head of Security._

_As Joseph continued to accompany her, he realised that Clarisse trusted him implicitly, and even though he was asked, on numerous occasions, by his friends about their conversations, he never told them what they discussed. He initially hadn't wanted to betray Clarisse's confidence but, as time went on, he realised that he enjoyed her company and conversation more and more._

"_So, what are you going to do when His Majesty goes to France?" he asked on a warm summer day in August, when they had had one of their rare trips to Lybitt- Rupert had stayed in Pyrus to prepare for his trip, but he had encouraged Clarisse to go to Lybitt for a break._

"_I don't know, Joseph," Clarisse said with a sigh. "I would like to go to Paris with him, but he obviously doesn't want…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," she stopped and blushed, and Joseph was surprised, and saddened. They both knew what she had said was the truth, but it was one of the rare times that Clarisse acknowledged the distance between the two of them._

"_Anyway," she continued, trying to pretend that she hadn't said anything unusual to him. "It's going to be very quiet in Genovia while he's away, so maybe I'll just do some gardening, or reading…I never usually have time to read," but, despite the forced gaiety in her words, she sounded sad as, not for the first time, Joseph realised how lonely a life Clarisse led._

"_At least it'll make my job easier- no chasing Her Majesty around Pyrus!," he joked, trying to cheer her up, and she looked at him in surprise, before laughing along with him._

"_I never realised how lazy you could be, Joseph," she chided gently, but she was still laughing. She knew how much work he had to do, especially with her full schedule of events, and was grateful for his assistance._

"_Oh, I can be quite lazy- my ideal day off would be watching American football on cable!"_

_Clarisse laughed at the image of Joseph doing exactly that._

"_I just can't imagine you doing that, Joseph. You love your work too much," she teased him gently, and he stopped and turned to face her, pretending to look offended._

"_You have insulted me, Your Majesty…are you suggesting that I'm a workaholic…speaking of, that's like the pot calling the kettle black!"_

"You're right," Clarisse chuckled, before turning away and continuing to walk. "If only there was something else I could do…Phillipe is busy with his own life…and Pierre…"

_Joseph, watching her expression, knew what she was thinking, and longed to pull her out of her melancholic mood…_

_Before he knew what he was doing, he had reached out and had taken her left hand in his right hand. Her hands were smooth, soft and warm, and although the enormous engagement ring Rupert had given her dug slightly into his fingers, it didn't hurt him in the slightest. He had wanted to do it for a long time, and it felt wonderful to hold her hand, although more than a little unreal. He gently squeezed it, telling Clarisse that there was always someone who knew her better than most people... Clarisse stopped still, and he was more than a little worried that she would pull away, or get upset…no one ever held hands with the Queen…he hadn't even seen His Majesty hold hands with his wife, and they had been married for a long time! _

_Clarisse, meanwhile, was trying to figure out her feelings- it was definitely against protocol for anyone- especially her bodyguard- to hold her hand (or even be as close as Joseph was), but it was fighting a losing battle against her tender feelings for him. She had often seen old and young couples standing in the parades, waving to her and Rupert with one hand, and holding their partner's hand in the other…she had often wondered what it had felt like…Rupert didn't believe in it, although he usually offered his arm when they were making an entrance somewhere…_

_But she had wanted to have someone hold her hand…and Joseph was the one she most particularly wanted. Although he was a security man, his hands were surprisingly smooth and warm for a man in his profession, and she had immediately understood the reassuring squeeze he had given her. Her only problem, now, was being careful not to show him too much of her ever deepening feelings for him……_

_There was a moment of silence as both waited with bated breath, before Clarisse turned to look at him with a warm smile, and he knew that his worries had been for nothing, while she was relieved that he couldn't interpret that smile for something more._

* * *

"Well, since we're out here, we might as well go and build this snowman," Joseph said with a grin, before turning on the light switch near the door, which instantly illuminated the front driveway, all of which was covered in snow.

Thankfully, the palace was well away from the road, but anyone who saw the light, they could only surmise that it was palace security.

"It's just as well we arrived here earlier than this evening," Joseph said as they looked around them.

"Yes, even though a certain someone forgot to check the fuel gauge," Clarisse said teasingly, with a sidelong glance at him.

"You needn't be so smug..." Joseph began, before Clarisse interrupted him with an impatient look.

"Let's go!" and, before he could stop her, she was literally racing down the front steps, not caring that there was some ice on the steps.

"Be careful, Clarisse!" he shouted as he descended the stairs, a little more carefully than the Queen- he didn't want her to hurt herself, but she was grinning at him from the bottom.

There were times when she reminded him of the young Princess, and this was one of those times- one of the rare times that Clarisse relaxed!

"You are such a spoil sport, Joseph!" Clarisse retorted with a grin, as she patted a handful of snow into a small ball in her gloved hands, and then threw it at him, hitting him squarely in the chest.

"Hey! I thought we were going to be making a snow man!" Joseph returned, before quickly retaliating and hitting Clarisse squarely in the face. He was a little concerned, but he could hear her laughing as she wiped the snow away.

"You've just made a big mistake Mister!" she called, before running off to hide behind a tree.

"Are we moving from making a snowman to a snow fight, and now we're playing hide and seek?" Joseph called from what seemed like far away, but he had seen where she had disappeared to.

Clarisse chuckled softly to herself, and looked cautiously around the tree to see where he was…She couldn't see him anywhere, so she went further away from the tree, and instantly felt a snowball on the side of her face.

"Why you…" she began jokingly, before Joseph joined her, laughing, and wiped the snow off her face. Even when the snow had been completely wiped off her face, Joseph continued to touch her face with his gloved hand, before they both realised that the snow had disappeared.

"I'm sorry…I just couldn't resist," he explained, pulling his hand away, and she laughed, missing the gentle pressure of his hand on her cheek.

"I wish it wasn't so dark, so that we could go to…."

"Your special place," they finished together….How could they forget that place…..

* * *

_It was just after Joseph had taken her hand, and they were walking along in companionable silence, before Clarisse looked at him shyly._

"_Do you mind if I show you something?"_

_  
"Not at all," Joseph said amiably- he had always suspected that Clarisse had a secret place where she hid from the rest of the world…on several occasions, she had given her security men the slip, and it had been chaotic in the palace when it was discovered that the Queen was missing. After an hour, however, she always appeared, looking calmer and completely unperturbed by the disturbance she had caused._

_However, once Rupert had given her a stern lecture, she had stopped disappearing- but Joseph alone noticed that her eyes clouded over when she had someone follow her. Now, however, she had obviously decided to go back to her secret spot, and he was extremely honoured that he was the one accompanying her._

_She dropped his hand as she led him down to the lake that the Winter Palace had- perfect for ice skating in winter- but past it, and into the green forest that bordered it._

"_Where…" Joseph began as she led him further into the woods, as the lake and the palace disappeared from view._

"_We'll be there in a moment…I accidentally discovered this on one of my first walks around here before Rupert and I were married. Apparently, my mother-in-law had this pagoda and garden put in here years before, but she had neglected it…whenever we were here, I usually brought some cuttings with me, so I could plant them…"_

_She stopped suddenly, and Joseph almost collided into her, before stepping aside and standing next to her._

"_This is beautiful, Clarisse," Joseph said softly, looking around him. Although the woods seemed to surround them, there was a little clearing that was brimming with a number of flower beds- mainly of roses- and there was a small pagoda in the middle._

"_Thank you," she said, leading him through the sweetly scented flowers to the tiny pagoda, and sat down on the concrete seat. Joseph followed suit, and she shyly took his hand again, although she wasn't looking at him._

"_This is the only place you would ever see me dirty from gardening."_

"_Then how…" he began, before she understood his question._

"_I always had a special way of getting in and out of the palace, and I always managed to have a shower before seeing anyone. No one ever questioned my change of clothes- just another example of a Queen obsessed with her clothes," she said with a slight chuckle._

"_I'm glad you didn't stop coming here…I was wondering after His Majesty…"_

"Yes, I had never seen Rupert so angry in my life, and I decided to accede to his wishes- most of the time- but whenever Phillipe and Charlotte were out here, they used to come out with me."

"_I know, but this was the only place in the whole world where no one invades my space…this is my place, and no one else's. I wanted to show this to you, so…just in case I disappear again…"_

_  
"You won't be doing that again with me," he said gruffly, and she laughed quietly to herself. They sat there for a long time, enjoying the peace and serenity of the garden, before Joseph leaned over and whispered in her ear._

"_I'll be happy to come with you here anytime…and I'll never tell anyone."_

_

* * *

_

They both smiled at the memory, and then shivered almost in unison as the wind increased, and the temperature dropped.

"I think it might be time to go back inside," Joseph began cautiously, but Clarisse was nodding vigorously.

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea."

They walked back inside, and were almost at the stairs leading upstairs before Joseph realised that Clarisse had stopped, and was standing in front of the closed double doors of the ballroom.

"There are so many memories connected with this ballroom," she murmured, almost to herself, as Joseph stood beside her, and they looked at the pale mahogany doors with the gold door handles. He opened one of them, and the smell of musty air floated out to greet them. They walked slowly into the room, and he switched the light on beside him, before the room was flooded with light. The room was devoid of all furniture- the only items in the room was a CD player on a table, and a lone chair in a corner.

"I can still see Phillipe dancing with Helen on that first New Year's Eve after they were married," Clarisse said softly, walking into the middle of the polished parquet floor, and doing a full turn around, before stopping to face him.

"They were in love, weren't they?"

"Yes, they were," Joseph agreed, a little vaguely- he had spotted a CD player in the corner and, after investigating, was surprised that there was a disc of Clarisse's in there.

She gave a start when music filled the room, but then gently swayed with the music as Joseph walked quietly up to her side, removing his gloves and tossing them in a corner.

"Would you do me the honour of this dance?" he asked, bowing formally to her, and she looked at him in surprise for a moment, before her face relaxed into a warm smile.

"I would be delighted," she returned, curtseying in reply, and then melted into his open arms. There were no problems arranging themselves correctly, and they were both almost uncomfortably aware that they fitted perfectly together….


	7. Joe's Confession

_Author's Note: This is the long chapter I was concerned about…but this was great to write…sorry I cut the last chapter off too short, but…hey, it was slowly building!_

_The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot and Disney_

As the music continued to play, they danced closely together, speaking little, enjoying the presence of the other, but becoming aware of the chemistry between them. Joseph was watching her carefully- he had often imagined what it would be like, holding Clarisse in his arms, but he had never expected it to be so wonderful…or so intimate.

"If only I had been able to dance with you at the other balls," Clarisse sighed, smiling up at him before resting her head against his shoulder. She loved being in his arms, dancing like this…he was holding her firmly, but close to him…

Others she had danced with had been well aware of protocol, and therefore had kept their distance, but this…with no one else watching them…this was what she had always dreamed of! She wished that this moment would never end….

Joseph looked down at her smiling, dreamy face, pressed on his shoulder, and realised that he had to tell her something, something he had been putting off for nearly two years, but had always been at the back of his mind.

There had been other moments when he could have told her, but they had always been interrupted…by Charlotte, her maids, Mia…But now…there was no one who would interrupt them…

"Clarisse?" he began, his voice croaky with nerves, and he cleared his voice to try again, half hoping that she would look up at him, and yet not look up.

"Mmmm?' she almost purred from his shoulder, but she didn't look up at him.

"Clarisse, can you look at me for a moment?" he asked, and she smiled playfully up at him.

"Is there something wrong, Joseph?" she teased, before the smile disappeared when she saw the serious expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly as he pulled away to look at her properly, but his arms were still around her waist. He took a deep breath, and looked into her questioning and concerned blue eyes.

"There's something I need to tell you….I've been….putting off the moment for a long time…I mean, I've had the right time to tell you, but we've always been interrupted…"

For the first time in his life, Joseph didn't have the right words, and he could have continued blabbing on like a fool for a while, until she gently placed one of her warm hands on his cheek.

"Joseph. Why don't you tell me what's wrong?" she asked with a warm smile. "I'm sure it's not going to be terrible news," she added, still watching him with a smile, as Joseph took another deep breath….this was going to be hard….

_There was a dark shadow over the palace- in fact, over the entire country of Genovia. The King only had a few weeks left, and everyone was preparing for the inevitable. Pierre had been summoned back from his studies in Rome and both boys were staying at the palace full time for the time being. Clarisse was burying herself in work, but there were times when even work didn't fill the void…_

_She was about to lose the man she had been married to for nearly 40 years, and while they hadn't been close, they had been warm friends (after a number of years), and he was the father of her two sons. She hadn't even begun to think of what her life would be like after his death…Phillipe would ascend the throne, and then she wouldn't be needed, which was a relief, but also terrifying…_

_However, while Rupert was ailing, she did most of the public appearances- the people still needed one of their sovereigns- and most of the work, but she was beginning to look tired, and people were saying that she was on the edge of a nervous breakdown._

"_I was at least expecting them to say that Her Majesty's had several breakdowns, and is now on the edge of insanity," Clarisse joked with a tired smile to Joseph as they walked around the palace gardens. _

_She very rarely had the chance to do it anymore, and she cherished the times when she could, and only have Joseph accompany her. He had been there, in the background, for her public appearances…and it was only his support, along with her boys, that was getting her through this._

"_They'll probably say that next," he said, trying to keep the mood light, but not liking either the joke or the look in her eyes._

"_Oh it will come," Clarisse said, with the weary assurance of a battle weary soldier. "It will come… the only question is: before or after he…?" but she couldn't finish her sentence._

_Joseph was trying to think of some comforting words to say her, or change the subject, when she spied Charlotte walking towards them. He felt Clarisse stiffen, so he knew she had seen her too- although she was fond of Charlotte, at times like these Charlotte represented the palace, and everything she was trying to hide from._

"_What's wrong, Charlotte? Is there…?" Clarisse was trying to remain calm, but they all noticed the note of panic in her voice. Charlotte looked from one to the other_

"_No, no, there's nothing wrong. I just came outside to find Joseph…Scott needs to see you inside…there's some sort of crisis with the computer…" _

_Joseph took a deep breath and rolled his eyes- he was still training the young man, and although he was shaping up well, there were times when he drove him mad! But he also didn't want to leave Clarisse wandering in the garden alone, and she seemed to know what he was thinking as he turned to look at her._

"_It's alright, Joseph. I need to go and do some reading for the parliament meeting later."_

_Joseph and Charlotte followed Clarisse inside, and while Clarisse headed for her suite upstairs, Joseph began heading towards the security room- what kind of disaster had occurred now, he thought to himself, before Charlotte stopped him._

"_It's not about that…I didn't want to mention it in front of Her Majesty, but…His Majesty would like to see you in his suite."_

_For a moment, Joseph felt as though his heart had stopped- had the King found out about his walks with Her Majesty- both here and in Lybitt? Had he found out that they hadn't been observing proper protocol in that he hadn't walked several steps behind her…and definitely not holding the Queen's hand? Was he going to get fired from his job because of that? _

_The thought of not seeing Clarisse daily almost sent him into a panic…before he suddenly realised that Charlotte was standing there, watching him, before he took another deep breath, and tried to keep his emotions under control._

"_Do you know what it's about?" he asked after a moment, gathering his thoughts as he spoke._

"_No…and he's seeing you alone…not even James is allowed in there."_

_Joseph's stomach dropped even further- if the ever present personal assistant wasn't going to be taking notes, it was a serious matter…it had to be about Clarisse…_

"_Alright…when does he want to see me?" he was now having trouble controlling the tremble in his voice, and Charlotte was watching him sympathetically._

"_He's expecting you now."_

* * *

_The 100 metres that spanned the walk from the top of the stairs to the King's suite felt like he was walking to his own execution. Clarisse's suite, thankfully, was at the other end of the hallway, so he wouldn't have to run into her after he was fired. He didn't want to reach the suite, but he soon found himself there, standing in front of the closed double doors._

"_You can go in, Joe. He's expecting you," one of the nameless guards said as Joseph nodded and, after waiting for them to open the door, walked gingerly into the room, a little apprehensive about what he would see…after all, as the Queen's Head of Security, he very rarely saw His Majesty. Perhaps he would be in bed…_

_He was in for a surprise, however, as the King was sitting up in his wing backed chair, close to the dead fire (it was spring, and the fires weren't needed), several heaters around his chair, and covered in blankets. There were several nurses hovering around him, and there was a pile of medical paraphernalia, including an oxygen tank, close to the chair. _

_As soon as the doors closed behind him, they all looked towards him, as Rupert's face broke into a warm and welcoming smile, alleviating some of Joseph's tension. The smile was still the same, despite the grey pallor and gauntness of his face, as he waved away the nurse so he could see Joe properly._

"_Joseph! Thank you for coming so quickly…have a seat," he waved to the empty couch opposite him, as the three white clad nurses disappeared out the door Joe had just entered._

"_Your Majesty," Joe said calmly, and gave him a brief bow before sitting down on the couch._

_There was a moment's silence as the two men sized each other up- the king was the most popular man in Genovia, and it was devastating to see his deterioration…and even his worst enemy would never wish it on the king. Joseph, on the other hand, was Head of Security, usually invisible, well liked around the palace, and his top priority was the safety of the Queen. They were very different from the other…however, there was one link between them- Clarisse._

"_How are you, Joe…you don't mind if I call you Joe, do you? I've heard most of the men call you that around here."_

"_No, Your Majesty, I don't mind…and I'm fine…how…" before he stopped, realizing what he was about to ask. Rupert, sensing the question, laughed._

"_Don't worry, Joe. I've had old friends ask me the same question, so I don't worry about it anymore." _

_There was a slight pause as the two men stared into the empty fireplace, not sure what was going to happen next._

"_How is Clarisse? I haven't seen her in the past few days…I understand that she is quite busy now, with parliament and such…"_

"_She's fine, Your Majesty. I think she was planning on visiting you this afternoon, after parliament."_

"_Yes, she was always loyal and constant in that way," Rupert said, smiling vacantly into the fireplace. "It couldn't have been easy for her, marrying someone she barely knew, and then pushed to the forefront of the royal family when she was young."_

_Joe, not knowing what to say, stayed silent and listened intently. Rupert seemed to collect himself after a moment, and then looked at Joseph with the direct brown eyes that had made parliamentarians quiver with fear, or women fall at his feet. Even now, Joseph could feel some of the charisma that had helped him throughout his life._

"_The reason I asked you here was…oh, Joe, did you want a cup of tea?" he waved at the nearby tea set, and Joseph shook his head. Rupert had changed the subject so quickly…Joe realised that the king was almost as nervous as himself! Rupert took another breath in, and tried again._

_The reason I asked you here was to talk about Clarisse…I know that you have been accompanying her on her walks, here and in Lybitt, and I have come to realise that you have been a great comfort to her…"_

_Joe hung his head- he could hear it coming, he was about to be fired from his job for trying to support Clarisse, when no one else had. He was used to being in control of a situation, of not backing down, and making snap decisions, and now here he was, hanging his head, ready for his punishment, like an ashamed child._

"_Joe?" Rupert's voice was kind, and Joe finally summoned the courage to look up, and was astonished to see that the king wasn't angry- in fact, he was smiling at Joseph._

"_You…you're not angry?" he managed to croak out, and Rupert smiled a little wider._

"_Of course I'm not angry, Joe. I think you're the reason she's been coping as well as she has, and I'm grateful for that." He then sighed, and looked through Joe for a moment._

"_I'll admit, I haven't been that terrific a husband to her- I'm sure you know about my indiscretions, as would she, and it saddens me now to think that I've caused her pain._

_She really was a beautiful girl when we got married," he looked over at Joe for a moment, and then away again. _

_"But I, being the spoilt Crown Prince of Genovia, wasn't happy to settle for one of the most beautiful in the country…I wanted more…I wanted acclaim and adoration, and plenty of women were willing to fawn all over me…don't get me wrong, I was fond of Clarisse, but there was never really any spark between us…and I'll take the blame for that._

_It will be one of my biggest regrets that I never treated her as well as I should have…even now, at the end of my life, I still treat everyone around me with contempt…and she doesn't deserve that…and she never should have had to put up with it. She never complained…but I saw it in her eyes…"_

_There was a slight pause, as Rupert stopped to take a sip of tea, and take another deep breath, reaching blindly for the nearby oxygen mask- it was clear that he was beginning to struggle to breath._

"_However," he continued after that. "Things changed a few years into my reign…we hired some new bodyguards, and you," he looked directly at Joseph. _

_"Were one of them. You were young and fit, and I thought it would be better that you guarded her instead of me…Did you ever want to be my bodyguard?"_

_He looked expectantly at Joseph, who cleared his throat and thought for a moment- the king was being honest with him, so he deserved Joe's honesty in return._

"_For a while I did…but then…"_

"Yes, I know," Rupert said with an indulgent smile. "She has a way of weaving her magic around you…I never allowed myself to indulge, but others had told me of her ways…Anyway, I'm glad that she was, in part, happy with her life."

_He took a deep breath- there was anger in his feelings, and he realised that he shouldn't have spoke so harshly to a dying man. But, after seeing Clarisse silently suffer over the years, he had to say something, to make the king realise that he had caused her damage…thankfully, it wasn't too irreparable. To his astonishment, Rupert was looking at him with understanding._

"_I know that…thank you for being so honest with me, Joseph. I appreciate that, and it has confirmed what I had begun to realise over the years…"_

_There was another long pause, and Joe was almost on the edge of his seat with anticipation- his outburst of anger, on Clarisse's behalf, had made him feel better._

"_I realised that…just as I could never be fully hers, much as she wanted me to, she was never fully mine…of course, she was a devoted mother, wife and Queen Consort…but she was always slightly reserved with me…it didn't help that I was away a lot…" and he didn't need to add what they were both thinking- other women were on his mind._

"_But, I noticed that she always used to light up when you came into the room, and her eyes used to follow you around the room…you really became a good friend to her, and she has become very dependent on you…You make her laugh, you always listen…you genuinely care about her in a way that I never did…_

_The truth is, we never really had a chance at a good marriage- me, with my faults and indiscretions, which led me to push her away…But I also noticed that… she's…she's always been in love with you, almost from the beginning. And you're in love with her."_

_Again, there was another long silence but, this time, neither of them broke it- Rupert was sipping his tea, while Joseph was sitting there in a stunned silence. He had suspected as much for a long time- he had known his feelings almost from the moment he met her- but he hadn't expected Rupert to have seen their secret bond…not to mention correctly guess his own feelings for her._

_  
"I…I…I don't know…what…" Joseph said in a daze, trying to work out how he was going to explain to the king, the King of Genovia, and the husband of his employer, that he had fallen in love with his wife._

_Rupert leaned forward in his chair, a compassionate look on his face._

"_You don't have to explain, Joe. I understand completely. I was never a good husband to her, and I will admit that I've given her a hard time for most of our married life…this, to me, is something I have no right to be angry about, given my behaviour…in fact, I'm actually rather glad for the two of you."_

_Joe looked up, a stunned look on his face, and Rupert laughed at his expression_

"_Yes, I'm glad. I'm dying, Joe, and Clarisse is going to need someone to take care of her once I'm gone, and Phillipe is on the throne. You have done such a wonderful job…"_

"_It's never been a job," Joe said clearly. "It has been an honour and a privilege…"_

"_And all the more credit to you, Joe. You love the woman that not many have seen…I don't think I've ever seen the woman she is when she's around you…I've never given her the chance…she literally glows when she's around you, and even I have seen the looks you two have exchanged over the years…All I want now…" he put the oxygen mask on his face for a minute, breathing deeply, and then took it off again. _

_"All I want now is that she's happy- and you make her happy._

"_I promise that I will make sure that she is happy," Joseph said stiffly, and Rupert stifled a smile._

"_I think her happiness will depend, in most part, on you…" he stopped again, and put his nearby oxygen mask over his face for a few moments._

"_I want you to promise me something," he said through the mask._

"_Anything sir," and Joseph was being sincere about this. _

_Although he still didn't approve of what Rupert had done, or how he had treated her, he did feel sorry for the king, and would do almost anything to help him in his last days. Only the king knew what he had done to Clarisse._

"_Don't tell her about this until after I'm gone… I don't want her to think that I thought that she never cared…I do care for her, Joseph…I just wish that I had shown it more during our life together…"_

_As Joe watched the ailing King breathing in his mask, and look wistfully into the fireplace, he realised that it was true- although he openly admitted that he had never given love a chance, he had loved her, in his own way…_

"_I promise, Your Majesty," he said softly, just as the doors opened, and the nurses came bustling back in to check on their patient. Sensing that it was his time to leave, Joe made a final bow to the King and left, his mind whirling with what he had just heard and witnessed. It was going to be very hard to pretend to the Queen that he didn't know some of the King's secrets…things she wouldn't know until after his death…_

* * *

For a moment, he though Clarisse was going to swoon, as she leaned heavily into his arms, and he gently walked her over to the only chair in the room- until he spotted another one nearby- and helped her sit down. The music, still in the background, was being ignored and he turned the player off as he retrieved the other chair. He placed it in front of Clarisse, and sat down in front of her- she was staring at her feet in stunned silence.

"Clarisse?" he asked, a little hesitantly as she continued to stare at the floor. He was about to repeat her name, even take her hands, when she spoke

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked in a small voice, but she didn't look up. Although it was a relief to hear it, she still couldn't help but feel betrayed that Joseph had kept a secret from her.

That was nonsense, she told herself sternly- Joseph had a life other than guarding her, and he certainly would have other secrets to keep, which didn't matter to her….but this one, when it had everything to do with her, was something else….

"I promised him that I wouldn't…" but he stopped when she looked directly at him, her blue eyes full of anger and betrayal.

"But you could have told me afterwards, couldn't you?" she shot back, and Joe sighed as he looked around the room, trying to think of the right words to tell her.

"Couldn't you?" she snapped, still looking at him. Joseph sighed again- there was no way to not tell her the truth, as he turned to her with a gentle smile

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to speak to you privately without someone interrupting us? I can think of numerous occasions where Charlotte, Mia, your maids, Sebastian, or anyone else has interrupted us…that's hardly conducive to the discussion we are having now."

Clarisse tried to keep looking at him sternly, but she couldn't help but smile- it was true, they could never have a private conversation without someone walking in on them, and her lack of privacy was an issue that was increasingly grating on her nerves. Joseph took her silence, and her gradually softening face, as a sign to keep going.

"I never seemed to find the right time to tell you…I suppose I could have told you on one of our walks, but those times seemed to calm you down, and I didn't want to cause you any more stress…Don't get me wrong, Clarisse, I have wanted to tell you for a long time….It's just been so hard…."

He stopped talking as she ran one of her hands down the side of his face, a warm smile on her face.

"I believe you- I can understand the quandary you were in, and the lack of privacy…Wait," she stopped suddenly, as a thought hit her.

"Were you trying to tell me that night in San Francisco…when we slipped away from the party…?"

"Yes, I was…."

* * *

_The Independence Day Ball was in full swing, as the newly titled Princess danced in the middle of the ballroom, Lily and Michael at her side, while everyone else copied their moves. Clarisse, who had opted to sit out the dance, laughed silently to herself as she saw some of the elder members of parliament imitate the robot dance, quickly followed by bending down to the floor. She had never imagined the day that she would see them do that…but, then again, the monarchy in Genovia had, that very evening, been rejuvenated by Mia's announcement. She was watching the party with a broad smile, before she realised that someone was standing very close to her side. She was just about to turn around to tell whoever it was off, before she heard Joseph's voice murmur, very softly in her ear,_

"_Do you want to go outside for a walk?"_

_She turned to smile at him- that was just what she needed…Mia was having fun with the rest of her guests, and Clarisse decided to let Mia have most of the attention._

"_Thank you, that would be lovely," she said with a smile, aware that she sounded like a proper lady…Hopefully Mia would give her a few lessons to relax…_

_It was difficult to exit the ballroom without drawing people to her exit, but Joseph somehow made it easy, and she was relieved to find herself in the main foyer, Joseph walking at her side. As they made their way outside, funnily enough, the guards had disappeared, she was touched to find Joseph take her gloved hand in his, and raise it to his lips. She smiled warmly at him, and looped her arm into his for their walk down the hallway, and out the door._

"_What a beautiful night," Clarisse sighed happily as she leaned on the balcony rails, and looked up at the now star filled sky, as the clouds had dispersed by then, and then down into the sparkling fairyland of the garden. _

_Everything had turned out better than she had expected- although she had been disappointed that Mia had planned on turning down her title, upon reflection she realised that all that mattered to her was Mia's happiness. But then, when she came to the ball dripping wet, and clad in jeans, Clarisse had realised that Joseph had been right…Mia was more like Clarisse than she had realised…_

"_I bet you're glad that's over and done with, aren't you?" she heard Joseph murmur from her right hand side, and she turned partly to smile at him, realizing at the same time that his hand was on top of hers on the railing._

"_Yes, although I thought, for a moment, that she wouldn't come to the ball…"_

"She's a good girl, she wouldn't let you down like that…in fact, she was on her way to the consulate when we found her…"

"_It needs a few things fixed, but it should be fine…it mustn't have agreed with her plan to run away," he chuckled to himself for a moment, as they continued to look out at the garden._

"_Charlotte did a wonderful job with the garden, didn't she?" Clarisse said with a smile._

"_Yes she did, but she also had a passionate rose expert who would have guided her every move, wouldn't she?" Joe said with a teasing note in his voice, and she turned to laugh at him._

"_Joseph! Are you being impertinent?"_

_  
"Absolutely!" _

_There was a long pause as they continued to look at each other for a moment, before Joseph suddenly bowed at her again._

"_Would you care for a dance, madam? I think we can hear the music from here!"_

_  
Clarisse cocked her head to one side- sure enough, the music was loud enough for her to almost make out the song words._

"_I would love to, sir," Clarisse curtseyed to him, and he swept her into his arms for another dance. She visibly relaxed- she always felt safe around him, and just holding her in a rather more intimate dance made her feel even more safe. _

_As she beamed happily at him, Joseph realised that this would be the moment to tell her what had been plaguing his thoughts for the past 14 months…_

"_Clarisse, there's something I need to tell you," he began, and she turned her sparkling blue eyes towards him._

"_Yes, Joseph?" she said in an almost husky voice, and he felt almost bad that he had to tell her now, but…_

"_I…" he began, before they heard noises from the doorway, and both turned to see several elderly parliamentarians waiting in the doorway, presumably for their dances with the Queen._

"_There you are, Your Majesty!" one, Lord Freglemyre, crowed triumphantly as they walked slowly towards the Queen. Clarisse exchanged a weary look with Joseph, and then switched on her smile, and walked towards them._

"_I guess it's time for me to come back in for another few dances!" she said jovially, throwing a regretful look back at Joseph, before the men chivvied her back towards the ballroom._

* * *

"I can see what you mean," Clarisse said pensively as she remembered that night. She hadn't wanted to go back in dancing with elderly parliamentarians- she would have much preferred staying outside, looking at the stars, with Joseph….

"That has always been my problem- I never seemed to have enough privacy," she added, almost to herself, before Joseph's watch began to beep, breaking the moment.

Clarisse almost jumped out of her seat, before looking over at him.

"What is that?" she said curiously, and one glance told him why the watch was making a noise- it was just after midnight…it was New Year's Day.

"It's just after midnight, Clarisse….Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Joseph," she replied warmly, as they exchanged a warm hug. "And what is your new year's resolution for this year?"

He pulled away for a moment, his arms still around her shoulders, and looked at her pensively for a moment, wondering whether he could actually tell her what his resolution was. He weighed it up, and decided to tell half the truth.

"To make sure that no one hurts you…and you?"

Clarisse looked away for a moment- she wasn't completely sure that she could admit her feelings for him…so she decided to tell only half of her resolution.

"Not to be so scared to admit my feelings…"

There was a long pause as they contemplated what the other had told them, and both sensed that only half the truth had been told. The longer they stood there, the more they began to realise that the feelings and emotions that they had been trying to deny for so many years was beginning to build up….

"Clarisse…I…." Joseph began, before she interrupted him.

"Joseph, I want to tell you something about my new year's resolution…." They were steadily moving closer and closer towards each other, almost as though they were magnets. But he interrupted her by pulling her close and kissing her, long and passionately.


	8. Midnight Snack

_Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews- I really appreciate them, and I'm glad that you like the story so far! As for the memory for the first time they met, I may do Clarisse's perspective in another chapter!_

_The Princess Diaries belongs to Disney and Meg Cabot!_

For a moment, it seemed that the world literally stopped as they kissed- neither of them had experienced anything like it…there was more love in that kiss than either of them had experienced, particularly Clarisse…Rupert's kisses had been little more than perfunctory, and no other man had ever kissed her, before or after her marriage….

Perhaps it was the thought of Rupert that made her pull away from Joseph, the tumultuousness of her feelings almost overwhelming her. She was more than a little frightened by the intensity of her feelings from the kiss, but she was also feeling a little guilty at her betraying her husband's memory, and regretful that she had pulled away…

"This should be wrong…" Clarisse cried, sitting back down in her chair, and putting her head in her hands for a moment.

"Why do I feel like this…why do I only want to be with you? Is this disloyal to Rupert in anyway?"

Joseph, still stunned at his audacity at kissing her, and then the kiss itself, pulled himself together enough to sit down close to Clarisse, and take both her hands in his, forcing her to look up at him. He was both touched and alarmed to see tears streaming down her face, and he gently touched her cheek with one of his hands.

"Clarisse…this isn't wrong…and this isn't disloyal to Rupert….he's gone, and he did want you to be happy…."

"But I never thought that I could ever feel like this…Much as I don't like to say, Rupert never made me feel like this, not even when we were first married…But the kiss…it was so intense…" she breathed, thinking back on the kiss they had just shared, and realizing that she wanted to kiss him again.

"I'll be honest with you, Clarisse….I have never felt the way I do when I'm around you…you infuriate me so badly at times, and I often wonder why I'm working for you…but, from the first moment I saw you…I knew that you were the only one for me…I….I love you, Clarisse."

The last words had been rather difficult for him to say- he had often imagined how he would declare his feelings…perhaps while they were wandering out in the garden….but this had never been the way he had intended to do it…

He hung his head, not wanting to look her in the eyes- especially if she didn't feel the same way as he did- but he was surprised to feel her hand gently move his head up so that they were looking into each other's eyes. To his surprise, she was no longer crying, and her eyes were lit up, both with delight and surprise.

"You love me?" she said it so softly that he had to strain to hear her, but he nodded in reply, as her eyes widened further.

"I never thought that…I always thought that…" she tried to find the words to say, and then decided to say it as simply as he had done.

"I love you too."

"You do?" Joe looked at her, a little puzzled, and then his heart lightened when he saw that she was smiling radiantly at him, and nodding, before continuing.

"I never thought that I would ever feel like this…ever….I never thought that you would ever feel like that in return…I guess I thought that my feelings were unrequited…"

She looked sad for a moment, and Joseph couldn't help but pull her close for another long kiss- only, this time, neither of them resisted the feelings that had been threatening to overwhelm them.

"You don't feel guilty now, do you?" he murmured after a few moments, and she slowly shook her head.

"I just feel that…I don't deserve this…"

"Yes, you do," Joseph said firmly, taking her hand in his. "You deserve all the happiness in the world…and you know he never gave it to you…"

"No," Clarisse agreed with a sigh. "But, he was kind on most occasions….Hey," her voice lightened, and she looked at him with sparkling eyes. "I just realised that I fulfilled my resolution!"

"What…not to be afraid to admit your feelings?"

"Exactly. I admitted my feelings…for you. That was the other half of my resolution…and the half I didn't tell you. What about you?" she added hastily, as he raised an eyebrow. "I know you're still hiding something from me…."

"Alright," Joe pretended to heave a great sigh.

"I didn't just mean protecting you physically…but also emotionally…I was actually thinking more in lines of always being there for you…."

"Joseph." Clarisse looked at him with a wise and understanding smile on her face. "You have always been there for me…even when I didn't suspect it," she added with a smile, remembering his recent confession.

"And I always will be," he said before pulling her up off the chair, and kissing her again. After that, Clarisse pulled away with a wide smile.

"I don't know about you, but all that running outside, and dancing in here, has made me hungry….I think it's time for a midnight snack!"

"Even though it's well after midnight?" Joe chuckled as she led him towards the exit. She turned to give him one of her most imperious looks, before completely melting and joining in with the laughter.

* * *

"Thank goodness this palace is centrally heated," Clarisse said as they walked, hand in hand, towards the kitchen. She beamed at Joseph as he held the door open for her, and chuckled, when walking into the cozy kitchen, and gazing upon their plates soaking the sink.

"I think we may have to do some washing up some time," she said wisely as she went to the pantry to look for the hot chocolate.

"Let's leave it until the last day, and do it then" Joe suggested as he filled the kettle, and plugged it in. "Or, better yet, let's just leave it until the next time someone comes to the palace to stay!"

"Joseph!" Clarisse emerged from the pantry, a disgusted look on her face.

"That will be late January, and I don't think the plates will be usable by then!" But she had a grin on her face as she placed the hot chocolate packet on the table, followed by an unopened packet of chocolate biscuits.

Joe pretended to looked shocked at the double dose of chocolate on the able, but Clarisse only laughed as she retrieved the milk that he had bought that afternoon- she knew he loved chocolate!

"Surely you'd eat some of these," she waved them invitingly at him as she placed the milk on the table, and Joe grinned as he waited for the kettle to boil.

"You know I will, Clarisse."

They were strangely domesticated, Clarisse mused to herself as she spooned the hot chocolate mixture into the two cups…..they were very comfortable around each other…very much unlike the first time they met in the kitchen.

"Do you remember the first time we actually met, face to face, in the kitchen, and talked? I think it was actually here…it was after one of those interminable state dinners, it was a hot night, and I couldn't sleep…"

"And I couldn't sleep because I was panicking about all those heads of states being in the palace, and imagining the palace being bombed by a fanatic!" Joe said with a chuckle as he brought the kettle over to the table, and poured hot water into the mugs.

"Boy, was I an idiot for worrying about all that stuff…if only I realised that none of that's important! Kidding!" he added hurriedly when Clarisse looked at him with an alarmed look on her face.

However, he was only telling her half the truth- he had heard and witnessed something that night that he never thought would happen so openly….particularly in front of the Queen.

"Joseph," she said in a soft voice, and he looked up at her, to see her looking at him with a teasing look in her eyes. "I know there's something else you saw that night…."

"Yes, I do remember that first, awkward night we collided into each other in the kitchen…"

* * *

_Joe tossed and turned in his already hot bed- it was a very warm spring night and, despite the fan going full blast, he couldn't sleep. He had never thought it would be hot in the Winter Palace, but tonight…_

_The royal family had decided to hold the annual state dinner at the Winter Palace, away from the prying eyes of the press and potential troublemakers, so Joe, along with his fellow security guards, had spent the last two days guarding not only the King and Queen, but the other visitors from other countries. Joe would be very glad to get back to his normal duties- a junior guard to the Queen._

_However, at that moment, everyone was supposedly asleep in their staterooms, while Joe was getting more and more frustrated at not being able to do the same. The state dinner had gone off well- the King and Queen, as always, had been gracious hosts, and most of the visitors had behaved themselves, although Lord Fricker (representing Genovian parliament), had enjoyed the drinks far too much…_

_It was after dinner, though, when things became rather complicated- the King disappeared for half an hour. No one knew where he was, or the wife of one of the noblemen attending either. They thoroughly searched the palace, while the Queen continued to keep it together, with the aide of her brother-in law, but there was no sign of either of them until they walked in casually together when the rest of the party was having coffee._

"_I was just showing Jessica the gardens," was all the King said, with a great deal of charm, and the matter was closed. Joe, however, was interested to see the Queen's cheeks flush a dull pink, her eyes averted to the floor, before she took a deep breath, sipped her coffee, and then continued her conversation with the Japanese ambassador._

"_His Majesty is going to get caught in the act one of these days, if he hasn't been already!" Thomas, the Head of Security, grumbled to Joe as they watched the screens to see the guests leaving._

"_You mean…"Joe began, looking at the beaming and clearly unrepentant King farewelling his guests, and then at his boss. "This has happened before?"_

_  
"Good grief, yes! I forgot that you've only been here a year, but yes, it's happened before…many, many times…I don't know how she puts up with him!" and there was a note of sympathy in his voice for the Queen._

_Joe looked from Thomas and then back to the screen- the pretty face of the young Queen was smiling politely as she said goodbye to the last few guests…but she didn't look at her husband. She couldn't be more than 30, a year or two younger than Joseph himself, and very beautiful…the King obviously didn't realise what a jewel he had in her…perhaps she didn't know about the King's indiscretions…No, judging by the embarrassed look he had seen at dinner, Joe realised that she knew…Watching them as they chatted pleasantly as they walked down the hall, Joe knew who he felt sorry for…_

_That__ was what was bothering him- the fact that the entire palace knew that the King was cheating, but no one could tell the Queen herself…The look he had witnessed, Joseph surmised as he lay on his back and stared into the blackness, and the fact she had to pretend that nothing had happened…it had been bothering him all night, although he had only spoken to her once in the 18 months he had been working there…_

_He stared up at the ceiling for a moment longer, and then decided to give up sleep for a while, and go and make himself a cup of tea…Tea would be the perfect solution- it usually sent him off to sleep, he thought to himself as, after putting a dressing gown over his pajamas, he closed his bedroom door behind him and set off down the hall to the kitchen_

_The palace was eerily quiet as he padded, in bare feet, down the carpeted hallway to the kitchen. He opened the door and walked inside, and almost jumped out of his skin when he realised that someone was there…and not just anyone, but the Queen herself! She was sitting at the wooden table, a teapot and cup on the table, clad in a white dressing gown, and staring at him._

_  
"I'm sorry…I…Your Majesty…I won't…" he stammered, feeling more and more foolish as she continued looking at him with her calm blue eyes._

"_It's alright, I was just…don't go," she added hastily as he turned to leave. He stopped, suddenly struck by the note of emotion in her voice, and slowly turned back._

"_Please don't leave on my account," she said again, in her soft, cultured voice…that voice…he had heard it only a handful of times, and it never ceased to amaze him how melodic it was. _

_"Please, sit down…I've just filled the teapot," she waved to the seat opposite her, as she went to retrieve another cup and saucer from the nearby cupboard._

_Joe, clearly shocked, sank slowly down into the chair, and watched as Her Majesty poured his tea for him._

"_Do you have sugar…milk?" she offered both to him, and he silently shook his head- the power of speech had left him, although he was secretly cursing the fact that he had left it so late to get his tea. _

_She sat back down, and looked over at him with interest._

"_You're Joseph, aren't you?" she spoke again, and Joe had no choice but look up into her famous blue eyes, which were looking directly at him. _

_Although he had been formally introduced to her, he had never seen her close up, without her makeup or jewelry…and he preferred seeing how clear her skin was, or how expressive her blue eyes were, without the 'face paint' as he called it. Her eyes were filled with interest, but there was also loneliness, and sadness, lurking there…_

"_Yes I am, ma'am…and I'm sorry for disturbing you…I can go, if you wish…" he finally said in hoarse voice, feeling very uncomfortable, as she poured herself another cup of tea._

"_Please don't…I couldn't sleep…but I don't mind the company," she admitted with a small smile._

"_I couldn't sleep either, Your Majesty," he managed to croak out, and she looked at him with a teasing smile on her lips._

"_So, Joseph…are you enjoying working here? Whose bodyguard detail are you part of?" she continued to look genuinely interested in finding out about him, and Joe took a big gulp of tea before answering._

"_I am enjoying it very much, Your Majesty…I'm one of your junior bodyguards, ma'am."_

"_Oh yes…"Clarisse said, a smile dawning on her face again. "I remember meeting you…you were the man who got 100 on his physical exam when you first applied…I was very impressed with that…not many get that…I remember, Rupert…"but she stopped short when she began talking about her husband. _

_Joseph, on the other hand, was astonished to realise that she had remembered the smallest detail about one of her most junior of bodyguards._

"_It wasn't too bad," he said casually, hoping that he wasn't stepping over any boundaries. "I did a lot of athletics when I was at school, and I kept it up at college…"_

"_I wish I had had the chance to do some sports at school…I think I would have liked tennis, or swimming…but proper young ladies weren't supposed to do that…" before she stopped and blushed, realizing that the borders were being blurred…but, after Rupert's behaviour that night, she didn't really care…_

"_I actually wasn't supposed to play so much sport…my parents wanted me to go into parliament…but I couldn't think of anything worse…"he stopped, realizing how bad it sounded. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty…I didn't mean it to come out like that!"_

_But, to his surprise, she was laughing out loud._

"_I'm glad someone else thinks like I do…it's jolly irksome to sit in parliament all day, listening to boring old men debate whether the next Independence Day parade should have banners…I could go to sleep at those meetings!"_

_As Joe listened to her talk, he realised that, at 30, she would have had very little life experience- he was just entering college when Clarisse LeRoche married the Crown Prince of Genovia…It suddenly struck him that, while he was living a carefree life in England, and partying with his friends, the woman sitting in front of him had become a wife, Princess, mother and Queen Consort in very rapid succession. No wonder she was bored with parliament and functions like that…young women her age were out, partying, and flirting with young men…_

"_I'm so glad that Rupert…"she stopped again at the mention of Rupert, and bent her head down to her tea for a moment._

"_Your Majesty?" Joseph asked in a quiet voice, wondering whether she was alright…She lifted her head, and he was saddened to see her eyes were full of tears._

"_You saw what happened tonight?" she said hoarsely, trying to wipe her eyes, but the tears began falling faster than she could stop them._

"_I did, Your Majesty…and I'm sorry…for you, that is."_

_She gave a slight, bitter laugh, which jarred against the tears that were falling._

"_He's been doing it a long, long time…even just after our honeymoon…I don't know why I should be surprised…"_

_Joseph, although he had initially been uncomfortable about the Queen opening her heart to an almost perfect stranger, soon realised that she had simply needed someone to talk to…and he knew that he would never tell anyone about what he had seen or heard…she deserved someone to protect her, not betray her confidences as they both knew that people would do…_

"_I'm sorry," she said after a moment, wiping her eyes on her lace handkerchief. _

_"It isn't your problem…and I shouldn't be talking to you about this, but…" she shrugged helplessly, her hands around her tea cup._

_To both their surprises, one of Joe's hands reached out and briefly touched her hand, before she pulled it away in shock._

"_I'm sorry…but if there's anything I can ever do for you," he murmured in a softer voice, and she smiled at him._

"_Thank you, Joseph. I'd appreciate that…as I would…"_

"Nothing will ever pass my lips, Your Majesty."

"_Thank you for listening," she said in a soft voice, before disappearing out into the palace, leaving Joseph struggling with his feelings- outrage that the King was treating her like this, and compassion, bordering on tenderness, for the vulnerable young woman who was Queen._

* * *

"I still actually cringe when I think of the fact that I cried in front of one of my security guards…imagine if you had been a reporter, or something!" Clarisse blushed, and covered her face with her hands playfully before Joe, now sitting next to her, pulled her hands away and gazed at the face he had loved for so long.

"You just needed to 'vent' with someone, and I was the lucky one who came along….do you think you would have done that with anyone else?"

"No," Clarisse said pensively. "But there was something about you…I just felt as though I could tell you anything, and you wouldn't tell anyone…"

"And I still won't now," he said chivalrously, kissing one of her hands, and she smiled at him, feeling luckier than she had ever felt before.

"I know you won't…."


	9. Secrets

_Author's note: This chapter wasn't exactly planned, but I just went with it…I really like how Clarisse finally stood up Rupert…I felt that she should, at least once! Thank you to everyone for your reviews!_

_NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot and Disney_

They walked silently upstairs, and at Clarisse's suite, Joseph turned to her with a warm smile.

"Good night, Clarisse…or, should I say good morning…" he trailed off when he saw the disappointed look on her face.

"Oh! Are you going to bed now?"

"Well, yes….generally people usually go to sleep at night…even people who can't eventually do," he teased gently, and her face brightened.

"I've decided I'm staying up all night," she said almost proudly. "Tonight has been very cathartic for me, and I want to start a whole new day…so, good night Joseph," she smiled at him as she turned to walk into the door he had opened for her, before he stepped in front of her.

"That's not going to look good, is it, that the Head of Security goes to bed while the Queen stays up all night…actually, I don't feel so tired, so I'll join you…"

Clarisse looked at him with a beautiful smile on her face, before leaning forward and kissing him on the lips.

"Thank you…I really didn't want to stay up alone…"

Joseph thought of something, and he looked down at his winter attire.

"I'd better go and change…I don't think I want to stay up all night in my winter clothes…I think pajamas might be better!"  
"Good idea!

Both of them raced inside their respective suites to change quickly- the extraordinary events of the past couple of hours had made them realise how long they had been denying their feelings and, now that they were out in the open, they wanted to spend as much time together as possible before going back to the 'real world'.

"So, what are we going to do?" he asked when he returned, and they were standing awkwardly in the middle of Clarisse's suite. "Another movie?"

"No, I don't feel like a movie…how about we just talk?"

"Where?" Clarisse rolled her eyes in exasperation at him.

"You can be so obtuse at times, Joseph. I was thinking we could…just lie on my bed and talk…I don't think I could bear sitting on that couch, and neither of us could drag a mattress out here…"

She suddenly realised what she was saying, and decided to clarify the situation.

"Before you think of…whatever, I just want you to know that…" Joe, noticing how deeply she was blushing, realised what she was trying to say, and decided to save her from further embarrassment.

"I know what you're saying, and I know that….I don't want to compromise you in anyway…actually, it might be fun having a slow courtship, rather than it all over at once. After all," he continued, suddenly inspired.

"It's taken us nearly 25 years to kiss…maybe it'll take another 25 years to…?"

Clarisse rolled her eyes, and then laughed.

"I don't think so…."

* * *

It was awkward, for a few moments, as they settled on Clarisse's queen sized bed but, as they lay next to each other, Clarisse couldn't resist laughing.

"You know, I have never had so much fun doing something innocent…I'm sure you wouldn't agree, though."

"Not necessarily, madam. As I said before, it's more fun going slowly…not that I have ever really gone slowly with anyone…"

"Does this mean that, according to the slang from Mia's generation, we're 'going steady'?"

"I suppose so…but only secretly…no one else is going to know!"

Clarisse laughed, and then sobered as she thought about Rupert- she had never had this good a time with him, even during their early years of marriage. He was already constrained by royal protocol, and having too much fun with other women to fully commit to Clarisse.

"It's a pity that everyone knew about Rupert and his women…" There was a silence, as Joe tried to think of something comforting to say, before Clarisse continued.

"Do you want to know how I was that night? I've actually never told you what I was thinking, but…." She trailed off, and Joe easily stepped into the void.

"I'd like to know…just in case you were think that I was a madman or something…" but he was aware that this was a signal that Clarisse was slowly opening her heart to someone…and he was honoured that it was him….

* * *

_Clarisse Renaldi, Queen of Genovia, turned over in her bed for what seemed like the millionth time, and sighed as she stared into the darkness, the images of what had happened that night still burned into her vision. She had, of course, expected something like this to happen, particularly with the sexy Lady Jessica (and one of Rupert's ex girlfriends) present, but she hadn't expected Rupert to so blatantly disappear for over half an hour with her!_

"_Would you like a search party sent, ma'am?" Thomas, her loyal head of security, murmured quietly as she passed him on her way into the ballroom. She gave an imperceptible nod of her head, and continued listening to the conversations behind her. Most of these people bored her to tears- they were all at least 10 years older than her (in Rupert's age group), and all they seemed to be interested in was the latest social events, or who was sleeping with whom…Rupert loved to gossip, but Clarisse hated it, knowing that most of the indiscretions discussed were Rupert's, who actually seemed proud of them._

_Even Lord Fricker, tipsy as usual, was regaling the group with his latest hunting exploits with Rupert, and no one had noticed that the King was missing- not even Lady Jessica's husband noticed or cared that she was missing. If they did, they didn't say anything- obviously they too were part of the conspiracy, she thought bitterly to herself as she sat down next to Viscount Mabrey- not by choice- and accepted a cup of tea from a hovering maid._

"_I wonder where His Majesty has gone?" Viscount Mabrey said, loud enough for only Clarisse to hear, and she pretended to be listening to the person next to her. She couldn't stand- he was one of Rupert's closest friends, but he had never made any pretence that he liked Clarisse…even though she could tell he lusted after her._

_Sure enough, half an hour later Rupert and Lady Jessica appeared in the doorway, and Clarisse only had to have one glance at them to know what they had been up to…_

"_I'm so sorry for disappearing, everyone. I just wanted to show Lady Jessica Her Majesty's extraordinary gardens…you do such a wonderful job on them, don't you Clarisse?" he shot an affectionate look over at her as he sat down opposite her. Clarisse managed to give him a small smile in return, but the sooner the evening was over, the better…_

_Thankfully, everyone either left or went upstairs by midnight, and she even managed to chat pleasantly with Rupert as they walked upstairs to their suites._

"_Thank you for covering for me tonight, my dear," Rupert said with a smile, kissing her on the forehead, before strolling on down the hall to his suite. Clarisse watched him leave, almost overwhelmed with anger and disgust that he had though she had covered for him, before disappearing into her own suite._

_She stood inside, staring around the room at the opulent settings…if she really wanted to, she could go down to his suite, and give him a sharp telling off about his indiscretions…if he wanted to embarrass himself, he could leave her out of it! But she realised it was futile…he would still do what he wanted…she also realised that she was in no mood to sleep, but she at least had to try…_

_Which led her up to this moment, when she had been turning for over an hour and, glancing at the clock, she realised it was 1:00, and groaned…she was never going to get to sleep like this! She suddenly decided to get herself a cup of tea from the kitchen…that usually calmed her spirits, and sent her off to sleep…_

_She surreptitiously checked the hallway outside her room by peeking out of the door, and knew that the coast was clear, and everyone was most likely asleep, so she was free to move around as she liked. This time was her favourite time of the night, as no one knew that she snuck down to the kitchen for a cup of tea most nights… The halls were gloriously free of people, and Clarisse felt liberated as she walked down the stairs, and strode into the kitchen, confident that she wouldn't meet anyone here. _

_She was just sitting down with her teapot and cup, when the kitchen door opened and in strode a tall, handsome man, clad in a bathrobe…It only took him a few seconds to realise who he had met, and Clarisse was amused at how quickly he went to pieces in the presence of the Queen…_

_After another few seconds of awkwardness, she decided to put him at ease, and get his tea for him as he was obviously in shock at seeing her there. She knew that she recognized him, and realised that it was Joseph Bonnell, one of the newer recruits…and the only one who had got 100 on his physical exam…Rupert had been rather jealous of that fact, but Clarisse was impressed- particularly as he was going to be guarding her…_

_She tried to keep the conversation light, but all that she witnessed that afternoon suddenly dropped like a weight on her shoulders, and she felt the tears threatening to spill. She understood that Joseph probably would have seen everything, which made her tears more humiliating, but she couldn't help but pour out her feelings…She knew that she should, and probably would, regret it, but when she looked into his gorgeous brown eyes, she saw only understanding and compassion…_

_As she stared into her empty cup, trying to pull herself together, she felt a warm hand press against hers, and she was surprised to find that it was his…and an electrical current pulsated through her, almost like a shot of lightning, as she struggled with her feelings…She didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing possible, and drew her hand away…The man was caring and compassionate, but they could get into trouble…_

_Still confused, she made her way to the door, managed to say something more to him, and exited with dignity. Outside, however, she leant against the wall, breathing deeply, and trying to get her emotions under control…she had never felt like this, ever…not even Rupert had awoken intense feelings like this…and she wondered why she felt that…But, whatever it was, she thought more sensibly as her head began to take control again, she was lucky to have someone like Joseph on her staff…_

* * *

"And I felt like such a fool leaving like that…but it was the only way I could think of trying to maintain my composure…until that time, I thought I had been performing magnificently," she concluded with a smile, which faltered as she noticed that Joseph was staring at her.

"What?"

"I often wondered about that night, and why you left so quickly….you shouldn't feel like a fool about leaving…or even the rest of the evening. I was still in shock about seeing my Queen sitting in the kitchen, preparing cups of tea….but, I did feel your pain that night," he added softly, before continuing.

"He was the one who should have felt foolish…I know I said that after that talk, I was beginning to understand him, but I will never understand why he went after women who were clearly not in the same class as you…" and he leaned forward to kiss her gently on the forehead before leaning back on the pillows again.

Clarisse smiled tenderly at him

"Thank you, Joseph…I know I can always count on your support…and compliments!"

"Obviously Rupert didn't give you enough of them while you were married, did he?"

"Not really," Clarisse said with a sigh. "He usually only saved them for when there was a very big occasion, and he had to publicly compliment his wife, but…to be fair, he was enthusiastic in our first few years of marriage…but that quickly dissipated," and she sighed again.

"Well, you deserved better than that, and you especially needed to be complimented every day…I always thought you looked beautiful….even when you didn't think you didn't…Actually, I think I started falling for you on that first day….When you inspected your new recruits…"

"Really?" Clarisse looked at him with a luminous smile. "Well, you're going to have to tell me about it, aren't you?"

_Newly graduated Cadet Joseph Bonnell stood straight up to attention, his eyes straight ahead and his body ramrod straight as he and his fellow new colleagues waited for the King and Queen to stop for their inspection. Out of a class of thirty, 10 had been recruited into the palace security system, and Joseph was one of them…this was the proudest day of his life, as he waited to be formally introduced to the King and Queen of Genovia._

"_They may not call you by name, but they will recognize your faces…you have all been personally chosen by the King himself," their former instructor informed them as they waited to line up for parade in the palace grounds._

"_Half of you will be guarding His Majesty, while the other half will be with Her Majesty's team…and, I must tell you, both teams work extremely hard, so be prepared for plenty of late nights."  
They would be having their formal induction that afternoon, before officially moving into the palace grounds that night. It had been made clear that they were to live on the grounds, as they would be on plenty of shifts, and there were often situations that needed more guards than were on duty._

_Joe couldn't remember the last time he had felt this nervous, or this determined to impress anyone…but, after all, his future employers were royalty…they were the King and Queen of Genovia! Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that there were a few people beginning to gather around the red carpet and, shifting his head slightly, he spied the royal limousine making its way from the back of the palace._

"_They're almost here," their instructor excited informed them, clearly unaware that they had all known. Joe's new friend James, standing next to him, rolled his eyes in disgust._

_The car drew to a smooth stop in front of them, and one of the purple clad guards rushed forward to open the door. Joseph was standing right in front of where the car had pulled up, and he had a bird's eye view of the dark haired King stepping out of the car, before turning and helping a blonde haired woman out of the car… He didn't see her face, as they walked towards the end of the group, but she was obviously well groomed, clad in a pale blue silk dress and heels._

_They began their introductions at the opposite end of the line to where Joseph was, and he was impatient to gaze on the Queen- who was rarely seen- as they made their progress down the line. Finally, the guests had met the man next to him, and were moving towards him…_

"_And, Your Majesties, this is Joseph Bonnell…the young man who got 100 on his physical exam," his instructor concluded, and Joe was allowed to look at them as he saluted both the King and Queen. Rupert saluted smartly back._

"_Welcome to the palace, Joseph," before moving on. Joe's eyes moved to meet the Queen's, and he was almost breathless…she was absolutely beautiful! She had big, expressive blue eyes, a clear, peach complexion, and a warm smile, which she bestowed on him now._

"_Welcome, Joseph," she said in her soft voice, and Joe felt that, for a moment, he should kneel down in front of this beautiful creature, before she moved on and the moment passed._

* * *

"What you didn't know, however, was that we had had a row about half an hour before, and I wasn't in the best of moods," Clarisse chuckled, before looking past him for a moment, a vacant expression on her face.

"Actually, it wasn't a row…he very firmly told me what he expected of me that day- including the inspection- and that was that."

"Well, I couldn't tell that you weren't in a good mood….but, if you remember clearly, you did stand up to him once, and I was the unfortunate person who had to witness the scene" Joe teased, softly stroking one of her hands, and Clarisse had to laugh out loud at the memory.

"Of course! How could I have forgotten that! We had been married 30 odd years, and I finally had had enough….'

What she didn't mention was that it was Joseph, and his never ending support and encouragement that had given her the strength to finally tell Rupert off….

* * *

_Clarisse sighed as the guards opened the doors to Rupert's study and she braced herself for another set of instructions from her supposedly beloved husband. Unfortunately, she was the only one who knew the truth…But she really didn't really appreciate being summoned from what was supposed to be her free afternoon….she only hoped that it was a really good excuse, otherwise…given the mood she was in, she was going to have a few words to say!_

_Joseph, walking three strides behind her, could see that Clarisse was displeased about having to see Rupert- she much preferred seeing him minimally, and not when it suited him. He could see why she was annoyed- she had been wandering around her garden, Joe at her side, and chatting happily about plans for that summer, when one of Rupert's assistants had rudely interrupted them._

"_His Majesty would like to see you now, Your Majesty," he said, doing a deep bow, before shooting an insolent look at Joe and then disappearing._

"_I hope there's a very good reason for this," she muttered under her breath as they walked inside. Joe wanted to reassure her, but he knew that there were spies everywhere in the palace who wanted __**something**__ on the Queen, so it didn't make their hero, Rupert, look quite like a cad._

_Clarisse stepped into the room and saw that Rupert was, as usual, absorbed in paperwork at his desk. She walked up to the desk, feeling like a naughty schoolgirl, and stood there patiently for a moment, hoping that he would realise that she was there…When he didn't, she decided to announce her presence._

"_You wished to see me, Rupert?"_

"_Hmmm? Oh!" Rupert, half distracted by work, finally looked up and looked surprised to see his wife standing there. "Did I ask to see you?"_

_  
"Yes…Anthony came out to see me in the garden, and said that you wanted to see me," Clarisse said, trying to keep a note of impatience out of her voice. As usual, Rupert had forgotten why he had sent her…which only irritated her more._

"_Oh…well, I actually didn't mean for you to come now…I'm very tied up with work…"_

_  
"I see," Clarisse said, taking a deep breath in to calm down, as Joe could see that she was about to lose her usually unflappable temper._

"_How about coming back in…say, an hour?" he glanced at his watch, smiled beseechingly at her, before bending back down over his paper work._

_Clarisse stood there for a moment, knowing that she had been dismissed, but not wanting to move. Too many times he had done this, called her and then sent her away until later, like a naughty child, and today was one time too many!_

_  
"You don't want to see me now?" she repeated in a dangerously soft voice that Joseph meant trouble- he had been at the end of it more than once, despite their deepening friendship. Rupert looked up, surprised that Clarisse was still there, and nodded._

"_Yes…I'm sorry, dear, but this really needs to be done."_

_  
"Then why did you send Anthony out to find me?"_

_Rupert, anxious to get back to work, began looking slightly exasperated at the questions Clarisse generally never posed. She usually just accepted his excuse, and then disappeared…_

"_I did want to see you…and I still want to…but there were some urgent papers that arrived before you did…"_

"_You can't keep doing this to me, Rupert!" Clarisse cried, angry and upset that her lovely walk had been interrupted. "You've done this too many times…more than I can count!"_

_  
Rupert, sensing trouble, smiled soothingly at Clarisse, confident that he could calm her down._

"_But you always forgive me, don't you?" he smiled condescendingly at her which, Joe could have told him, only inflamed her more. Rupert, confident that he had thawed her out, turned his attention back to his paperwork. _

_"I'll see you later, then…"_

_Clarisse stood there, unable to believe that he would continue to ignore her feelings…but, even after so many years of marriage, she couldn't expect him to do any better…Suddenly…_

"_NO!" came out of her mouth, surprising herself, Rupert and Joseph, who was standing discreetly in a corner._

"_I'm sorry?" Rupert looked up, a confused frown furrowing his brow. "No what?"_

"No, I won't see you later…if you don't see me now, you will just have to wait," Clarisse said calmly, her anger suddenly abating as she realised she had the upper hand in the conversation. "So, if you will excuse me, I'm going back to my walk…"

She turned calmly on her heel, and was about to walk away when Rupert's voice stopped her. 

"_You can't do that to me, Clarisse," he said, more than a little angry at this rare display of temper in his wife…_

_Clarisse turned to him again, anger now clear in her face as she prepared to tell him what had annoyed her severely for many years._

"_And YOU cannot keep me cooling my heels like this…You have done it on so many occasions and yes, I have forgiven you, but I'm not going to put up with it anymore. Your private life may be your own, but I WILL NOT let you try and keep me on a chain ANYMORE. I am not a dog that can be taught to heel when necessary…"and, as she paused to take a breath, she was surprised to find that she was enjoying this venting at Rupert, who was looking at her with a stunned look on his face._

"_I may seem placid and dull to your insufferable friends, but I am not going to put up with it anymore…you need to treat me with the respect I deserve, and have very rarely seen in the past 33 years! Anyway," she took a deep breath, feeling much better. "I hope you enjoy your dinner tonight…I'm not going!" _

_And, with that, she strode confidently out of the room, leaving two stunned men in her wake. Joseph, before realizing that he had to follow Clarisse, glanced at Rupert- he was still clearly stunned, but he could see a glimmer of respect in face…_

_Joe hurriedly walked outside, and caught up with Clarisse, who was just about to walk out the door. They walked in silence until they were away from prying palace eyes, before Clarisse stopped and took a deep breath._

"_I've kept that inside for nearly 34 years…and I didn't think I could do it…"_

_Joe, not knowing what to do, just took her hand in his and gently squeezed it._

"_You did wonderfully well…I was very proud of you for that…" Clarisse, realizing that Joe was there, smiled at him._

"_Thank you…I completely forgot that you were there too!"_

_  
"Quite a show…I wish had a camera…but you needed to do it…and you do feel better now, don't you?"_

"_Yes," Clarisse chuckled to herself, before sobering up. "But I do hope that he won't do it again to me!"_

"Believe me, Clarisse," Joe said, sniggered. "He'd be a fool if he did!"

* * *

"And, of course, he didn't!" Joe cried triumphantly, as Clarisse smiled to herself.

"I don't think he wanted another outburst from the woman he thought had been so shy and ladylike," Clarisse retorted, thinking back on that memory.

"But you are still are ladylike and shy…you just had had enough of his behaviour…I probably would have blown my lid a lot earlier….and I think both Mia and Phillipe would have done the exact same thing…that's why you are all so alike!"

"I suppose so," Clarisse said, stifling a yawn. "What time is it, by the way?

"Almost 3:30 in the morning…why, aren't you going to make the dawn?"

"Honestly…." She began, before being interrupted by another yawn. "I don't think so…but wasn't it a wonderful night?" she asked sleepily as she cuddled in close to him, and Joe wrapped an arm around him.

"It was wonderful," he said, but it didn't seem to capture all the extraordinary things that had happened that night…wonderful couldn't even begin to describe what had happened….

He himself wasn't all that tired, and he couldn't imagine ending his evening better than watching her fall asleep.

"Good night Joseph," she murmured sleepily. "I love you."

"Good night, Clarisse…and I love you too."


	10. I Will Always be Yours'

_Author's Note: This is the longest chapter, but I enjoyed it writing it! Thanks to all the readers for their reviews- I really enjoy reading them!_

_The song lyrics are from 'I Wanna Be the Only One' by Eternal_

_NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot and Disney_

The next few days were blissfully happy for Clarisse and Joe, although there was a bittersweet tinge to their enjoyment- they had only limited time together, as they were due back at the palace by the fifth, when the rest of the staff came back, as not to arouse suspicion. But they put the thought at the back of their minds, fully intending on enjoying their time together.

"Who knows when we will be able to do it again?" Clarisse said in a serious tone, but then laughed and shrugged off the bitter feeling.

They spent much of their time outside as, Clarisse reasonably argued, she spent most her time inside in Pyrus, and she loved being outside in the snow. Joe had gone shopping on New Year's Day, and Clarisse had initially agreed to stay behind, but then changed her mind.

"I don't want to stay here by myself and, besides," she said with a cheeky smile. "If I bundle up really well, and you do all the talking, no one will know it's me!"

Joe agreed- although he had been rather apprehensive about leaving her alone, he was more concerned about her being spotted in the village. But he worried for nothing…she was so heavily bundled up in clothes, with a scarf covering half of her face, and the hat covering her other half, no one ever knew that their Queen was shopping in their midst.

"That was so much fun," she giggled happily as they drove back to the palace.

"No one knew who I was…maybe I'll have to try it in Pyrus," she mused aloud, before laughing when she saw Joseph's look of horror, and amending her statement.

"Don't worry, I don't think I'll do that…I'll leave that to Mia!"

"Thank you," Joe said with a smile, relieved that she wouldn't try it in Pyrus, the paparazzi capital of Genovia.

After they had stocked up on supplies for the rest of their stay, they didn't worry about going outside the palace gates for the rest of the time. The palace grounds were so extensive that, even after walking a good few kilometers, they were nowhere near the edge of the property. Eventually they made it to the edge of the property, and Clarisse was delighted when she discovered that there was a steep hill there.

"We can toboggan down here!" she cried delightedly and, the next time they walked out that way, they brought the toboggan with them.

"I never realised how big this place was," Joe said as, puffing slightly, he sat down on the snow covered hill facing the direction of the palace- which they could see in the distance, and Clarisse joined him, abandoning the toboggan behind them.

"I discovered this place when I was first engaged, and living at the palace, but generally left to my own devices," Clarisse said calmly as she looked at the palace in the distance. She had always enjoyed the view from here- it was well protected from the rest of the world, but private enough from the palace that she could imagine that no one knew where she was…

"But I suppose all that changed once you were married?" Joe turned questioningly to her as he put an arm around her, and she leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Yes…although I still used to sneak out here sometimes, in the dead of night, just to release tension…especially when I was under stress….and yes, I still did it once you joined the staff, although not much since you were…." She trailed off with a smile.

"Good."

"But I did come out here once…when Rupert was dying," she said, staring straight ahead. It had been six months after his initial diagnosis, and the doctor was surprised at how fast the cancer had progressed….She had been told this after the examination, and it was both the news, and the fact that Rupert hadn't wanted her there that had made her flee.

"Do you remember," she continued, still looking into the horizon. "When Rupert decided to spend his last days out here…even though he never did like the palace much…and we…"

"Yes- what a racket that caused with everyone…parliament, because they wouldn't be able to be summoned immediately once something happened…"

"And the press, because he had always been their favourite…both parties blamed me for the decision, of course."

"You were always misunderstood by the press…although, you have to admit, they have been better on you since then…"

"Yes they have," Clarisse smiled faintly, her mind far away. "I never told you about my last audience with him did I?"

"No…and you don't have to, if you don't want to," Joseph said gingerly, and she smiled over at him.

"I could never keep anything secret from you for long, Joseph…." She heaved a deep sigh, and looked out to the snow laden landscape for a moment. "Anyway….."

* * *

_The room was stifling hot, with the heaters on full bore, and no air, but none of the current occupants cared as they sat around a four poster bed, watching the main person in their respective lives drift away. The doctor had given Rupert only days now, and the breathing trouble was significantly worse now…he seemed almost constantly out of breath, as he continually took short, sharp breaths…Clarisse, deep down, sincerely hoped that he wasn't suffering but she could see that he was…_

_She looked around the room for a moment, from her position next to the bed…there was Pierre, having been summoned from Rome, standing in the corner and looking out the window, at the books…anywhere but the bed where his father was dying…He may have not always got along with him, but Clarisse could tell that he was deeply distressed by Rupert's condition. Clarisse, her heart softened by compassion, longed to move to comfort him, but she found that she couldn't move…_

_Next to Pierre was Phillipe, lounging in a chair, but his eyes were firmly fixed on Rupert, before shifting to Clarisse, as if he knew that Clarisse had been watching him. As their eyes met, he gave her an encouraging look, and Clarisse's heart swelled with pride…Phillipe…he had always been the kind and compassionate one…and he would do an amazing job as King…in less than a year…_

"_Clarisse?" she heard Rupert's hoarse voice murmur her name, and she rose from her seat, and sat gently on the edge of the bed, in his eye range, gently taking one of his cold hands in hers._

"_I'm here," she said softly, looking down into his grey and gaunt face as he opened his eyes and looked at her, a ghost of a smile on his face._

"_Clarisse…my dear, you've always been so loyal…I don't know how…I appreciated it…even when…you stood up to me," and they shared a smile as they remembered that particular afternoon when she had stood up to him._

"_It was an honour, darling…"she said softly, stroking his hand as his fingers curled weakly around her hand. She was telling the truth- it had been an honour to be loyal to him, and served as his Queen Consort, but it had come at a cost…_

_She had forgiven him for his many indiscretions and clear lack of respect he had shown her over the years, but that was mainly thanks to someone else…Knowing that Joseph had been there had helped her a great deal…she wished she could forget, but the scars were too deep in her heart to ever fully forget what he had done to her……_

"_I…I want…I want to apologise to you for everything I have done to you over the years…I know…know that I wasn't that …good a husband to you…in every sense of the word…But, I want you to…know that…I care about you deeply…you were, after all the mother of my…sons…and you did so much personally for the country…and…and…you did a magnificent job as Consort…Genovia is lucky to have you…"_

_  
He stopped for a moment, short of breath, and Clarisse silently handed him his nearby oxygen mask, into which he breathed deeply for a moment, before discarding it onto the bed covers._

"_I have…have to tell you something…I was often jealous of you…"_

_  
"Jealous…of me? Why on earth would that be?" Clarisse looked and sounded surprised, but a little touched that he had finally confessed something to her that made him more vulnerable._

"_Because…the people always seemed to prefer you to me…even though you were so reserved and quiet…but you have a brand of magic that seems…seems to weave a spell around everyone…I, sadly, was…never part of that…"_

_He trailed off as he put the mask on again, while Clarisse sat on the edge of the bed, absently stroking his hand, and looking at him in stunned silence. Rupert had been jealous of her? The people had, to her, always seemed lively when Rupert appeared…he had always been more outgoing and more welcoming, she was willing to admit…but this was a shock…_

_He removed the mask again, and looked at her with a shard of the former energy and vigor in his eyes, as he clasped her hand with surprising firmness._

"_I want you to be happy…I don't want you to continue living the way you have after I'm gone…It's no life for someone like you…If you ever see happiness in your life, I want you to grab it with both hands, and never let it go…"_

_Clarisse, who had looked down when his hands had grabbed hers, looked up with anxiety and guilt…for a moment, she thought that he knew about Joseph…But, looking into his weak eyes, and seeing nothing by affection, she realised, with relief, that he didn't know anything about that._

"_Will you promise me that?" he sat up a little in bed, and looked at her intensely._

"_I will, darling," Clarisse said softly, and he visibly relaxed, sinking back onto his pillows._

"_Thank you, Clarisse," he said softly, with a smile, as tears began to well in Clarisse's eyes. Although he had never been fully available to her emotionally, he had been a very big part of her life for many years, not to mention the father of her two boys…she had loved him more than he had loved her…but it didn't matter anymore…Her tears were more of regret…he had never really known love, and neither had she…not until Joseph…_

"_I think you had…had…had better go now…I think parliament is supposed to start soon," he wheezed, letting go of her hand, and she slowly stood up, still looking at him._

"_Goodbye," he murmured as she leant forward and kissed him on the forehead._

"_Goodbye, Rupert," she replied softly, tears slowly spilling on her cheeks as she moved towards the door. Phillipe squeezed her hand reassuringly as she passed, but she couldn't bear looking back…_

_ ------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Two hours later, she was working at her desk after the session of parliament, but the look on Rupert's face had stopped her writing. It had been a mixture of affection and regret…surely he hadn't regretted their marriage? Surely he hadn't been wishing that he had married Lady Jessica? As she mused on these thoughts, there was a soft knock on her door, and she looked up to see Joseph standing there, looking sober._

"_Why on earth did you know?" she joked, a small smile on her lips- Joseph knocking on a door was the funniest thing she had heard of all day. _

_"You know you don't…"but the smile disappeared, as she stood up slowly, the pen dropping from her hand as she realised that her trusty Head of Security was bearing the news that she, parliament, and the entire country had waited for. Joseph walked slowly towards her, hating the fact that he had to inform her, the woman he had fallen for, was a widow._

"_He's gone, isn't he?" she finally broke the silence._

"_Yes…Your Majesty…" he trailed off as Clarisse held up a hand._

"_Please don't do formalities at this time, Joseph! I need my friend at the moment…when?" she asked as she walked slowly around her desk, and sank into a nearby chair. Maybe this was all a nightmare…maybe it was a false alarm…many wild and crazy thoughts ran through her head as Joe pulled the chair facing the desk in front of her, sat down and took one of her hands in his._

"_About half past two…half an hour you left…" He didn't want to say it, but he was relieved that she hadn't been there when it happened._

"_Was anyone with him?"_

_  
"I believe the doctor was with him…the Princes had left a little while before that…"_

_He was looking at Clarisse with concern- she seemed to be holding up remarkably well despite the fact that she was a widow and, until the coronation, she was to reign over Genovia. But he also knew that the news wasn't a big shock…he had been ill for nearly a year, and they had been fairly distant for a long time…_

"_When do I have to meet with parliament?" she seemed to be on automatic pilot, and she herself was surprised that she didn't feel as upset as she was supposed to be…she was sad, but she would have thought her grief would have been substantial…It was a sad commentary on the state of their marriage that she could barely feel overwhelming grief for her husband…she could only feel regret, pity and, a little, relief…_

"_In an hour…"_

_  
"I see," she said numbly, still staring at the floor, before it suddenly hit her- she was a widow…no matter how great their differences, they had been friends…and they had had two children together…and, until the coronation, she was Queen…not Queen Consort, but Queen…_

"_Hold me, Joseph," she looked up at him, dry eyed, but never feeling as more out to see as she did at that moment. "I need it…"_

_Joseph pulled her into his arms, and she rested her head on her shoulder…why on earth didn't she ever do that with Rupert…they could have made it work…suddenly, tears of realization, regret and grief all in one, began to fall, and she quietly began to sob on Joseph, her trusty and loyal Joseph's shoulder._

* * *

"I was very proud of you then, and for the rest of the week…you never collapsed at all," Joe said quietly as they began to make their way back to the palace for dinner- the sun was beginning to set.

"I felt so guilty that I wasn't able to grieve more for him…but he never gave me the chance to even let me into his heart emotionally…I don't know whether anyone else knew him intimately…"she said thoughtfully, her arm linked through his, and the toboggan trailing behind in his other hand.

"I never envied him for that," she smiled over at him. "At least…eventually…I let someone in…it was very lonely before that…"

"Do you think he ever confided in his…mistresses?" he hated to say the word, but they both knew that many had existed over the years. She smiled a little bitterly.

"I don't think so…I think he was always more of a man's man, never relying on the woman in his life…I imagine his friends knew more about him than I did…Although, I'll admit, the women did fall in love with him….I often wondered how he got rid of them," she chuckled, but then felt guilty- most of them had been seduced by Rupert's obvious charisma…the only thing they seriously deluded themselves about was him divorcing Clarisse to marry them…That was the only thing she ever felt secure about in their marriage- the fact that he would never divorce her.

She sighed, looked away for a moment, and then shrugged her shoulders, forcing a smile on her face.

"Do you miss him at all?" Joe asked, a little jealous and anxious that she may have had feelings for Rupert, but Clarisse, sensing the meaning behind the question, smiled over at him and snuggled closer.

"I don't really, not any more. I miss him as the father of my children…it would have helped greatly if I had not had to go through Phillipe's death alone…it may have been a moment between us…a bond…but it wasn't meant to be…and besides," she added with a shy smile.

"I had someone much better in my corner."

"Even when you weren't particularly welcoming?" he teased, and she chuckled.

"Yes…you somehow managed to get through anyway…you were annoyingly persistent when you wanted to be…"

"Well, I had to be…I was working for a woman who had been trained not to let anyone in- but wanted to- and I knew that I could do it!" he smiled a little arrogantly at her.

"Oh really?" Clarisse smiled disarmingly at him. "Did you really think you could overpower the Queen like that? Did you stop to think that maybe she was just pretending…or trying to…?"

"I don't even want to know where you were going with that, but what I'm saying is that you wanted someone to talk to, and I, somehow, managed to fit the bill…."

* * *

_Joseph knocked softly on the door- he had only done this once previously- but, with the current atmosphere in the palace, and the Queen's temper, he though it would be prudent to be invited in._

"_Come in!" he heard faintly from inside the study, and he quietly entered the room, shutting the door noiselessly behind him. When he turned to look forward, he wasn't surprise to see a black clad Clarisse hard at work at her desk, writing furiously on sheets of paper. What surprised him was that she was working under lamp light, as the shades of the windows were pulled firmly down, and there were no windows open, even though it was a beautiful spring day outside._

"_Are you sure you have enough light?" he joked quietly as he walked towards the desk. "I can easily get you some candles…" but the joke died on his lips as she glared icily at him for a moment, before turning back to her work._

"_What's wrong, Joseph?" she snapped as she continued writing, and Joseph felt a little uncomfortable standing in front of her desk, watching her write. He now realised how she had felt when continually summoned to Rupert's study._

"_Your Majesty, Prime Minister Motez would like to see you sometime in the next few days about the state dinner. He would like to know where it will be held."_

"_I thought Charlotte was supposed to be arranging that with me," she said, her pen still working furiously. Joseph thought for a moment about the most tactful way of telling the Queen that even her loyal personal assistant was avoiding her._

"_I can't bear being shouted at again," Charlotte had said when she asked him to see Clarisse._

"_The last time she yelled at me, it was for leaving the door open when I came in…she never minded before!"_

_  
"She's under a lot of pressure," Joe reminded her gently, but he knew that Clarisse, of late, had become unbearable to her staff…she had shouted at almost everyone closest to her, and they had taken it, knowing that she was angry about her son's death, but Joe was getting concerned and more than a little sick of all the complaints coming his way._

"_I know…and I feel sorry for her…could you talk to her?"_

_  
So now Joseph was trying to think of a tactful way of telling Clarisse that. Instead of directly answering the question, he opted to put off the moment._

"_She got called away at the last moment," he lied, but she didn't notice._

"_Fine," she shot back, still writing. "Ask Sebastian to make an appointment to see me."_

"And Lady Corsa is wondering whether you will be having another garden party soon…"

"What am I? A social coordinator or a ruler?" Clarisse snapped in exasperation. "Fob her off onto Charlotte, or even Sebastian's office…I don't have time for any of that nonsense!" 

_Joseph watched her continue to work- she hadn't even looked at him once in the past five minutes, and he knew that it was imperative that he talked to her._

"_Clarisse, will you please put down your pen and look at me" he asked as politely as he could, but she just shook her head._

"_I'm sorry, Joseph, but I really need to get this done."_

_  
"Please, Clarisse?" he tried again, but she ignored his request. Joe took a deep breath- he really hated to do this, but he had no other option…He leaned over and firmly snatched the pen out of her hand._

"_Thank you," he said calmly as she looked at him in outrage._

"_How dare you snatch my pen like that? Give it back to me at once?"_

_  
"Clarisse," he began, still in a calm voice. "Who do you think you're talking to? I am not one of your long suffering servants who put up with your tantrums…this is Joseph, your friend and Head of Security, and I need to talk to you about your behaviour."_

"_What is wrong with my behaviour, may I ask?" she said, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat. "And I don't need a lecture from you!" she softened slightly. "I'm sorry for snapping, but can I please have my pen back?"_

_  
"No," Joseph said, sitting down opposite her and pocketing the pen. "You and I need to have a little talk…you have taken your temper out on far too many people here, and I am receiving complaints about it."_

"_Why haven't they come to me?" Clarisse looked shocked, and more than a little angry. "I don't need my staff complaining to you…if they have an issue, they need to come to me!"_

"_And get their bead bitten off, like you're doing now, or even fired? They all care about you, Clarisse, but they aren't liking the way they are being treated…and I can't blame them. Can you honestly say that you have been treating them the way you usually do?"_

_  
Clarisse, the fire he loved still burning in her eyes, leaned back in her seat for a moment and looked pensive. Her expression softened after a moment._

"_I'm afraid I haven't…I know I haven't…it's just that…" she trailed off as her eyes filled with tears, and she angrily wiped them away._

"_I know," Joseph said huskily, reaching over the desk and taking one of her hands in his. "We all know that you're angry about Phillipe's death…and you have every right to be angry and upset…but it's beginning to affect the balance of harmony in the palace…"_

_  
He stopped, certain that he would get fired, but Clarisse was still watching him her eyes full of her tears, and suddenly her anger had dissipated greatly._

"_Everyone here loves you Clarisse," he continued, encouraged by her silence. "They are hard working and loyal, and they would do anything for you…but this is just too much…"_

"I know," Clarisse began to whimper as tears began to spill on her cheeks. "It's just that…I'm doing all this work…and…I want to be seen as though I'm coping…"

"But you aren't," Joseph said honestly, pushing his chair to her side of the desk, and sitting beside her. "You aren't doing anyone any good- especially yourself…It's alright to be seen to be mourning your son…no parent should ever have to go through that…This is coming from your staff, but it's also coming from me…I've been worried about this room being so stuffy and locked up…you need to get out into your garden…When was the last time you were there?" 

_Clarisse shrugged sadly, her anger fully gone by now. "A couple of days before he…"_

_  
"Well, that's definitely too long…right, let's go," he stood up abruptly, dropping her hands, and she looked startled._

"_Now?"_

_  
"Now," he affirmed, as she looked at her paperwork for a moment before the familiar smile began to dawn on her face, and she stood up._

"_Let's go!"_

* * *

"Please don't let me get like that again!" Clarisse laughed as they climbed the entrance steps, and Joseph opened the main door for her.

"Believe me, Clarisse, I won't let it happen!"

Once they had their showers, they met back in the kitchen to begin preparing their last dinner at the palace.

"I wish didn't we have to go back tomorrow morning," Clarisse said wistfully as she set the table, and Joseph skillfully cooked the fish and chips they had bought, frozen, in town several days before.

"Don't you think people would get suspicious with the Queen and her Head of Security missing?"

"Oh yes," Clarisse said with a laugh. "And there are already enough rumours going around the palace about us as it is!"

"Which, for the most part, aren't true…but some are now, aren't they?" he looked significantly at her, and she blushed.

"Yes, but they aren't going to know that, are they?"

There was a long silence, before Clarisse walked over to where Joseph was cooking.

"I don't know how I'm going to cope going back to having my lunch in the dining room, or in my suite," she joked happily as he watched him skillfully cook the fish.

"Or even have another chef besides you," she added with a sly smile. "You're quite a good cook, Joseph. Where did you learn all this?"

"I took some classes while I was at college…but my mother taught me most of her recipes, and I seemed to be a natural in the kitchen…"

"Unlike me," Clarisse laughed at herself as she brought the two plates over. "I know I can't cook…but I really didn't have the chance…"

"But why would you, when you have some of the best chefs in Genovia cooking for you?" he asked as he handed her a plate of food, and fixed the second one up.

"True," Clarisse conceded with a smile as she followed him to the table, and sat down opposite him. "But this looks delicious, Joseph…and it smells good too!"

"Good- now dig in!"

There was a comfortable silence as they enjoyed the company and the food- neither had felt as relaxed or as comfortable as they did at that moment, and were savoring the silence of the palace. Clarisse looked pensively at Joseph for a moment, and then decided that it was time to tell him her biggest secret.

"You know, there's something I haven't told you," she began hesitantly, and Joe looked up with a quizzical look.

"Really? I would have thought that, after the last few days, we had told each other the secrets we had kept for years?"

"Yes, but there's one more I haven't told you….you told me when you realised you were in love with me, but I'm going to tell you about when I realised I was in love with you….I have loved you almost from the first moment…or maybe that first walk we took together, but I never told you when I finally realised my feelings…"

* * *

_It was the annual Independence Day Ball and, as usual, the palace was full to the brim with guests- parliamentarians and their wives, most of the aristocracy and guests from other countries. Clarisse was standing next to Rupert near the doorway, greeting guests, and she could see people wandering from place to place. She continued greeting guests with a radiant smile, but she was secretly hop0ing that the receiving line would end soon, so she could go and sit down._

"_Ah, Joseph…I see that you got the night off," Rupert's voice distracted her, and she turned to see Rupert shaking hands with Joseph, who was looking very debonair in a black tuxedo. She was almost going to smile happily at him, when she realised that he was accompanied by a tall and pretty brunette, who was smiling happily at the King._

"_And who is this dazzling young woman?" Rupert asked, turning to the woman on Joseph's arm with one of his most charming smiles._

"_This is Andrea," Joseph said with a short bow, as Andrea did a deep curtsey for the King._

"_It's an honour and a privilege to meet you, Your Majesty," she said softly, as Joseph moved onto Clarisse._

"_Good evening Joseph," Clarisse said with a smile, extending a gloved hand for him to kiss, and trying to ignore the feelings coursing through her. _

_Joseph was perfectly entitled to bring whoever he wanted to the ball, she told herself sternly…and this young woman obviously was quite at ease in the world Clarisse herself had struggled to fit in. Clarisse had no claims on Joseph…he was a loyal bodyguard, and a good friend…but it was almost as if she was jealous…but that was ridiculous, she told herself…she was Queen of Genovia, and married…if unhappily._

"_I am so glad you could come, Andrea," she added with a bright smile, as Andrea curtseyed to her._

"_It's a pleasure meeting you, Your Majesty," Andrea murmured in a soft voice, as she and Joseph were pushed away as more people began seeking Clarisse's attention, and Clarisse could only watch wistfully as they disappeared into the crowd._

_ -------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Finally, all the guests had been received and, as tradition dictated, Rupert led Clarisse onto the dance floor for the first dance of the evening, which was then followed by Sebastian. Clarisse was supposed to be happy, but she couldn't help but try and look for Joseph in the crowd as she danced, and was surprised to feel miserable when she saw him chatting happily with the girl in the corner._

"_I'm going out for some air," she said to her dance partner, and discreetly disappeared out a side door, although it was rather difficult as people stopped to curtsey or bow to her. She smiled graciously at them, but she was desperate to get outside…_

_As soon as she was standing on the balcony, she began taking deep, gulping breaths…it was almost as if she had been suffocating in that room…the image of Joseph talking to that girl swam before her eyes…Why on earth was she feeling like this?_

_After a few deep breaths, she began feeling better, and she gazed up at the star filled night in wonder._

"_Clarisse?" she heard a familiar voice behind her, and she turned to see Joseph walking slowly towards her, looking concerned. "Are you feeling alright?" _

_His solicitousness and the tone of his voice almost made her cry, but she took a deep breath and managed to keep her emotions in check._

"_I'm fine, Joseph," she said calmly. "It got rather warm in there, that's all."_

_  
"I know," he joined her at the balcony, and they gazed out onto the garden for a moment. "I think more doors and windows will have to be opened…not to mention the air conditioner turned on," he joked, and she smiled weakly at the joke._

"_Clarisse, would you care to dance?" he suddenly asked, facing her, and offering her his hand. She looked at it in surprise before a smile crept onto her face._

"_I'd love to," she said quietly, before moving into his arms, and feeling his every movement as he guided a hand to her shoulder, and held her other hand in his. The music was loud enough for them to hear, as they gently swayed to the music, enjoying the quietness before Clarisse decided to find out more about Andrea._

"_Where's Andrea?"_

_  
"A couple of parliamentarians decided they wanted to dance with her…poor girl," he chuckled. _

"_Where is she from?"_

_  
"Native born and bred Genovian…she's a personal assistant in Sebastian's office…Quite a nice girl, actually…"_

_There was another silence as Clarisse became aware that she was feeling dizzy…and it wasn't from the gentle turns they were doing…somehow, Joseph was making her feel like this…He was a wonderful dancer, but she just couldn't handle him being so close to her, not when he had come with someone else…_

_She was just about to pull away, when a soft voice from the doorway broke them apart._

"_There you are, Joe! I was wondering where you were!" and Clarisse and Joe broke apart to see Andrea standing in the doorway, a smile on her face. "Are you coming back in?"_

_  
"Yes…I…"he hesitated, looking back at Clarisse, who forced a smile on her face._

"_I think I need a little more air…but I'll be in soon," she waved them off, as Joe followed Andrea, reluctantly, back into the palace._

_Clarisse's smile disappeared as soon as they had left, and she turned back to look out into the garden…She now realised what she had been feeling all night…she was jealous of Joseph and that girl…and that she was in love with Joseph…But she had lost him to that girl…_

_She was surprised to feel something cool run down her cheek and, touching her cheek, she realised that it was a tear._

* * *

"You were jealous?" Joe, his knife and fork forgotten, was staring at Clarisse in shock. "You thought that Andrea and I…we were….?"

"I didn't see that there was any reason why you shouldn't be…I had no claims on you," Clarisse said with a shrug, as Joseph walked around to her side, and sat down in the chair next to her, touching her cheek with one hand, before she continued.

"I thought I had lost you…not that I had never had you…and then I realised that I was in love with you…"

Joe chuckled softly, and she looked at him quizzically.

"I wish you had told me that that night! Andrea was a blind date- Scott was so sick of seeing me not dating that he decided to get me a date for the night….Andrea knew from the first what was going on- that we were only friends, and I was crazy about you…Actually, that night I didn't want to go alone, and watch you dance with so many men…"

"That's only part of my job…I don't necessarily enjoy it," Clarisse interrupted gently.

"Yes, I know that…but I was jealous all the same…"

Clarisse smiled tenderly over at him, and touched his cheek with her hand.

"I think we were both fools that night….actually, we never really had any opportunities to…confess…" before she leaned over and kissed him.

Joseph suddenly remembered something that had been bothering him for the past few days.

"You said something on the first night, but didn't finish…you said something about 'I wish'…what were you going to say?"

"I was going to say," Clarisse said with a smile. "I wish that we could be alone, without anyone ever interrupting us…but I know that this week was for that…and I will always be grateful for that."

* * *

The next morning, they ate and packed early- they wanted to be back at the palace before the rest of the staff came back that afternoon. Clarisse regretfully watched out the back window as they drove away from the palace.

"Don't worry," Joseph said, distracting her. "You'll be back one day…and preferably with me," he added with a grin as she laughed, and turned back to face the front.

"Your jokes certainly haven't improved," she said cheekily with a laugh, before she turned on the radio. The station was in the middle of a song, but they both froze when they heard the chorus of the song:

_"I wanna be the only one to hold you_

_(Protect you from the pain)_

_I wanna be the only one to soothe you_

_(Erase all the pain)_

_I wanna be the only one to love, love you_

_(Over again)_

_I wanna be the only one, the only one_

_  
(The only one I am)"_

"Quite an apt song that, "Joseph said after they sat in silence, listening to the rest of the song, and then thinking about it afterwards.

"That's what I want!" Clarisse suddenly cried, and Joe looked at her startled and touched.

"So do I…but when?"

"I don't know," Clarisse said, biting her lip thoughtfully. "But one thing for sure- I will always be yours…"

"You do realise that, one day, I will ask you to marry me?" he looked over at her, and saw that she was a deep red, but her eyes were sparkling happily.

"You do realise that, one day, I will say yes," she said quietly.


	11. Epilogue: 5 years later

_Hi! Finally, my last chapter for this story, but I do admit that I enjoyed writing it a lot! I didn't plan for it to go this long, but it was fun doing! Thank you to everyone who read it and reviewed it, and stay tuned for my next story!_

_NB: The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot and Disney._

Clarisse closed the book she wasn't reading, and stared dreamily into the fire. It was a freezing cold New Year's Eve morning, and Clarisse was luxuriated in the fact that she didn't have to attend any meetings of parliament anymore….and she didn't envy Mia at all…

She smiled thoughtfully, thinking of the day Mia was crowned…neither she nor Mia had anticipated the problems that accompanied it but they hadn't expected, either, the unexpected blessings that arose from it.

Viscount Mabrey had tried to foist his nephew, Lord Nicholas Devereaux, onto the throne, but what had happened was that Nicholas fell for Mia, and declined to accept the throne. Mia was supposed to marry Andrew Jacoby, but instead showed her spirit, the spirit Clarisse herself recognized, and decided that she wouldn't marry after all.

"_I am standing her…ready to take my place as your Queen…without a husband," _she added pointedly to the parliamentarians who had tried to force her to marry.

Luckily, they all acquiesced without a complaint.

Clarisse had been incredibly proud of her that day…but she herself hadn't been that happy since she had turned Joseph down…True to his prediction on their holiday five years previously, he had proposed to her…and, although Clarisse had wanted to, desperately, there were other considerations….

"_It's the monarchy. I mean, as Queen, it's my responsibility. You know how it is." _

But even though Joseph's face told her that he knew how it was, he didn't understand why she had to put the monarchy ahead of them…When he had walked out on her, Clarisse had felt a crushing wave of desperation and sadness almost overwhelm her…she hadn't done what she had promised Rupert and held onto happiness with both hands…she had lost the one man she had ever really, truly and unconditionally loved. But Clarisse hadn't expected what would happen at the wedding….

"_Your Majesty?" Charlotte leaned over as Clarisse gazed fondly up at her granddaughter on the podium and Clarisse looked at her with surprise as Charlotte offered her half of her headpiece._

"_Grandma?" her granddaughter's voice came through loud and clear- so much so that Clarisse was rather worried that the guests could hear her. _

_"Just because I didn't get my fairytale ending doesn't mean you shouldn't."_

_Clarisse stared at Clarisse for a moment, a little overwhelmed at what was happening, and then decided to throw caution to the wind…She had given Genovia so many years of service, and had remained a devoted wife to an often indifferent husband…it was time for her to consider her own life…with Joseph…That was all she wanted now, and it was time to publicly declare her feelings for Joseph._

"_Joseph?" she said, after smoothing her dress down, stepping forward and feeling calmer than ever before._

"_Your Majesty?" he bowed briefly, and then looked at her with veiled eyes._

"_Dear Joseph…Is it too late…to ask you…to accept my hand in marriage?" Clarisse asked tearfully- she was worried that he would still be too hurt to accept her…but she had to try…and keep trying…she knew that she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. After a pause that seemed to last for eternity…_

"_Well…I thought you'd never ask," Joseph said gruffly, clearing his throat and then smiling at her…_

Clarisse smiled into the fire- that was her favourite memory of the day, although she could barely remember much the day…she had been in such a happy state of shock that she had finally grabbed happiness with both hands…She liked to think that Rupert had approved…and, after what Joseph had told her five years previously, she had suspected that Rupert would have been happy.

She was so engrossed in her happy dreams that she didn't hear the gentle close of a door, or someone walking quietly up behind her, until two hands touched her cheeks…she screamed, half out of fright, and half because the hands were so cold…

"Who on earth?..." she began, turning around and ready to give whoever it was a lecture, when she realised that it was Joseph, laughing silently to himself.

"That wasn't very funny, you know," she said sternly, standing up and rubbing her hands on her now cold cheeks. "You know I hate it when you do that!"

"I know," Joseph said as he stopped laughing. "But I just couldn't resist…"

"Well," Clarisse said coyly, not at all angry but determined to pretend that she was. "Maybe I won't let you kiss me…"

"Oh really?" Joe began walking towards her, and she slowly backed away, grins stealing over both their faces. "Maybe I won't let you kiss me…."

"I won't miss it," Clarisse said flippantly, but the smile on her face betrayed her thoughts as she stopped backing up, and Joseph continued to walk forwards.

"Won't you?" Joseph said properly as he walked towards her- he loved it when they still flirted with each other like this…they still very much enjoyed each other's company…in fact, being married made it all the more fun… "Well, I might have to call your bluff…" as he slowly took her into his arms.

"Good idea," Clarisse breathed seductively as she moved closer and closer in his arms, so that they were almost lip to lip.

"I'll willingly admit that I've lost it…I don't think I can't keep it up," Joseph replied before giving her a long sweet kiss.

"I know I wouldn't," Clarisse said breathlessly when they broke apart. "And I forgive you…But where were you to get such cold hands?" she said as he walked over to stand in front of the fire, and she sat back down on the couch.

"Well, Mia and Lily challenged Nick and Scott to a snowball fight, and I was recruited to help…I would have been back ages ago," he rubbed his hands briskly, turning his back towards the fire.

"I'm very glad that no one came to find me…I would not have done that…it's too cold," she shivered at the thought of going outside.

"So, what are they doing tonight?"

'Going out dancing, I think," Joseph said as he sat down next to her on the couch, and she leaned happily against him. "Which brings me to the subject: what are we going to do?"

"I don't know…I hadn't really thought about it…maybe we could eat in, watch some movies?"

"No," Joseph said decisively. "This is our first New Year's as a married couple, and I refuse to stay here and watch all movies all night!"

"What do you suggest then?" Clarisse looked over at him archly. "I'm not going out dancing in this weather!"

"Okay…I have an idea, but don't laugh…maybe we could go out to Lybitt for a couple of days…we haven't been out there in a while…alright, 5 months," Joe amended with a chuckle. "But it's private, and we wouldn't have anyone disturbing us…"  
Clarisse sat up and looked at him with a smile.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea! And I know that we're not going to have the quiet awkward trip down like we did last time!"

"Oh yes," Joseph joined in her laughter. "But, you have to admit, we were in shock at the time!"

* * *

_The reception had just ended, and Clarisse and Joseph had just finished saying goodbye to their guests, and were now walking upstairs in silence, hand in hand. Now that they were alone, the moment was finally setting in…Clarisse, as bold as brass, had openly proposed to Joseph in front of a church full of people, and they had been married in front of the openly approving Archbishop, a delighted Mia and a surprised congregation._

"_I guess…" Joseph began shyly as they stopped outside Clarisse's suite…their suite, Clarisse thought in wonder, before he leaned over and shyly kissed her._

"_Hello," Clarisse said equally as shyly, not believing that she would ever have felt this happy, before Joseph, suddenly emboldened by that first kiss, pulled her closer and kissed her again._

"_Hello…Mrs Bonnell," he said huskily, and she giggled at the sound of her new name._

"_Mrs Bonnell…that sounds wonderful…and so much better than Her Majesty…"_

"_You will…" he began, before they were interrupted by footsteps behind them, and they literally jumped apart to find Mia smiling happily at them._

"_You don't need to do that now…and I hope you had a wonderful day…I imagine you're wandering where you're going on your honeymoon?"_

_  
"Honeymoon?" Clarisse said dazedly- she was still in wonder at what had happened at the church, let alone think about afterwards._

"_Yes, honeymoon…you know, a trip that the bride and groom generally go on after they were married?" Mia teased gently, knowing just how big a step Clarisse had made, and how she was still trying to find her way through it._

"_We hadn't…"_

"_We actually hadn't thought about it," Joseph intercepted, putting an arm around Clarisse's waist, and Mia grinned broadly._

"_I thought so. Charlotte, Sebastian, Shades and I have organised everything- we've packed food and clothes for you, and the car is waiting down the garage…We're going to have a ruse- the car decorated with 'Just Married' will go in the direction of the airport, and you're going in the opposite direction!"_

"_Where are we going?"_

_  
"To the palace in Lybitt…" Mia said happily, not seeing the warm look Clarisse and Joe exchanged. "It's private enough for a honeymoon, and I'm sure that none of the press will follow you…they'll be busy enough trying to find you in Italy!"_

_Before they knew it, after changing their clothes, they found themselves sitting in the front seat of one of the plain black cars and following the elaborately decorated bridal car out of the main gates. The photographers cameras and cars followed the car heading towards the airport, while the black car turned in the opposite direction, virtually unnoticed._

"_I'm glad that Mia thought of that little diversion," Clarisse finally said when they were out of Pyrus, and heading north._

"_Mia knew what it was going to be like," Joseph replied, surprised to feel a little uncomfortable in the presence of his wife…that was what was really taking time to sink in…Clarisse had finally married him, and she was his wife, while he was her husband. _

_After years of hiding, denying and then hiding their feelings for each other, it was going to be strange to be able to be openly affectionate towards each other! He glanced over at her- she didn't look at all frightened…she looked calm, happy, and there was a delightful pink tinge to her cheeks. How on earth had he managed to capture the glorious woman sitting there beside him?_

_Clarisse meanwhile was still in a blissful state about the way things had turned out- she had woken, that morning, in despair that she had lost Joseph, and was about to 'lose' her granddaughter when, in a split second, Clarisse had married Joseph…finally, as the Archbishop murmured, she thought with a grin. _

_She looked over at him for a moment- she had always thought that he had been handsome but now, knowing that he was her husband…he was the most handsome man in the world…and they belonged to each other…But why she was feeling so shy around him?_

_The trip, unlike the previous one five years earlier, was mostly in silence as they tried to digest what had happened that day…However, as they approached the palace, Joseph reached out his free hand to her, and she silently and happily placed her hand in his. They held hands all the way to the palace, and she only pulled away when they reached the closed and locked gates of the palace to produce a key from her handbag._

"_I knew I'd need this again one day…I had another copy made," she said as Joseph grinned at her._

"_I knew I married you for a reason," he joked, and she coloured a deep crimson as he retrieved the key from her hand. "I'll do this!"_

_After unlocking and then relocking the gates, they drove up to the palace and drove into the special garage that they had discovered the previous trip._

"_Mia was quite organised, wasn't she?" Joseph said in surprise as they looked into the boot and saw that it was full of suitcases and cartons of food._

"_Yes…I suppose we had better get all this upstairs," Clarisse said briskly, reaching for the heaviest box which was quickly taken off her by Joe._

"_No, my lady, that is too heavy for you!"_

_  
"I'm not completely useless, Joseph," she retorted, but there was a warm smile on her face._

_True to Joseph's observation, Mia, and the others, had been extremely busy packing and getting organised while they had been celebrating their marriage- she had even taken care of packing their clothes and other affects._

"_I bet Shades did my packing," Joseph joked as he saw that the clothes were crammed into the suitcase as they unpacked in Clarisse's bedroom. _

_"I see, however, that a little more care was taken with your clothes," he looked over as Clarisse unpacked carefully folded clothes._

"_Yes…they would get fired if I found even one wrinkle in my clothes," she joked in return as she hung up another dress in the wardrobe. _

_Joseph continued unpacking, but paused after a moment when he realised that Clarisse wasn't doing the same. He looked up to see her watching him with a dreamy smile, and a radiant look on her face…she looked so happy and content…_

"_What?"_

"_I just can't believe that this is happening…that you and I…that we're…" she was stuttering out her meaning…she had always dreamed of being married to Joseph, all the more so since they had declared their feelings for one another, but…it was still unbelievable._

"_Finally together," Joe said, walking over and encircling her in his arms. "And didn't take 25 years, either!" he joked as they both remembered the prediction he had made 5 years earlier._

"_Oh…we're 20 years too early…maybe we should separate and wait until then…" her blue eyes sparkled with mischief._

"_No thank you, Mrs Bonnell! I've waited far too long to be married to you!" _

_There was a slight pause, as Clarisse struggled to find the words to express what she was thinking- there was nothing she wanted to hide from him…_

_  
"Darling," she said shyly, looking at him with a pink tinge in her cheeks. "I wish I could tell you how much I love you and how happy I have been today…"_

"_I know how you feel, my love…I love you too…this has been the happiest day of my life too," Joseph said, tenderly touching her face, and then slowly kissing her._

"_You are more beautiful than I have ever imagined," he continued after the kiss. "You're seductive, sensitive, and yes, you have weaved your magic spell on me…" He suddenly scooped her up into his arms, and gently deposited her onto the bed, before lightly jumping up beside her._

"_I love you," he said tenderly, smiling down at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, who was now his wife._

"_I love you too, darling," she murmured softly as he leaned down to take her into his arms for another kiss._

_It was much later when they emerged from the bedroom, bathrobe clad and hand in hand, to survey the scene in the living room- most of their luggage was waiting to be unpacked, as was the food for their stay._

"_I hadn't imagined that Shades would think to pack all this food!" Joseph laughed as he rummaged through a nearby box, and laughed even harder when he pulled out a large parcel of sugar. "He isn't the most organised of men!"_

"_Unlike you?" Clarisse teased, walking over to join him, and he quickly pulled her into his arms. Any shyness or inhibitions had disappeared, and it was almost as if it had been like the last trip, but better…they were closer than ever, and bonded forever._

"_I hope you aren't going to be cheeky now that we're married!" he said after he kissed her, and she beamed at him happily._

"_You never know…you may find that there are many other sides to Clarisse!" she teased in a sing song voice._

"_I hope not," he murmured into her hair. "I love you just the way you are now."_

* * *

"That was a wonderful honeymoon," Clarisse conceded with a dreamy smile as she packed another set of heavy clothes into her suitcase, and Joe, who was doing the same thing, leaned over and kissed her.

"I always loved that palace…not only because I felt comfortable there but, more importantly, it's the place where we finally declared our feelings…"

"And where we spent our first weeks as husband and wife…"Joseph finished the sentence in a soft voice, and took her hand in his for a moment.

"It will always have good memories for me," she said softly, before she paused and looked at him in alarm.

"Should I go and see Mia, and let her know we're going away?"

"I don't think so, darling. We can leave her a note…I think she's at a meeting now anyway, and besides…you don't need anyone's permission to leave the palace…"

"Still, I would like Mia to know where we are, just in case," Clarisse said distractedly, before hurrying away to her desk to write a note.

Joseph watched her sit down at her desk with a smile- even though she had considerably less commitments to worry about, Clarisse always made sure that she considered Mia and her feelings in whatever she was planning…it didn't bother Joseph at all- in fact, given his own fondness for the young woman on the throne, he would thought it was odd….

But Clarisse also made clear that their marriage was of paramount importance to her…she had spent so much of her life in someone else's shadow, in an empty marriage, that she wouldn't risk that again.

"Done!" she called, throwing her pen down with a flourish, and putting it an envelope, before leaving it on her desk, and hurried back into the room to resume packing.

"We'll slip that under her door before we sneak out…She'll keep our secret!"

* * *

Two hours later, they were on the road heading north, after packing the car, pinching food from the kitchen and dropping the note off under Mia's door. They had snuck out the secret way that Clarisse had used a million times, and no one even blinked when the plain black sedan drove out of the palace gates.

"Although they would get hysterical if they knew who was inside," Clarisse joked- since their marriage, they had kept a lower profile than usual (mostly not to overshadow Mia), but the press were now using every excuse to try and get a picture of the newly married couple. Mia was good at protecting their privacy, and had said that she was proud to do it after they came back from their honeymoon.

"Don't worry Grandma, you're married to the best in the business, and I'll make sure that everyone knows that, for most of the time, you two are private citizens," Mia had said soberly, and Clarisse had hugged her tightly, touched that their privacy meant that much to her. When she had said as much, Mia had said, with a shrug

"You, Dad and Mom protected me from all of this for fifteen years…isn't it about time that you had a break from it too!"

"Did you check the petrol gauge before we left? Is it full?" Clarisse loved teasing him about that, and he threw her a mock disparaging look before grinning.

"Yes I did…but thank you for reminding me!"

"I do my best," Clarisse smiled gleefully at him- whenever she was around him, more so since the wedding, she was more relaxed, cheeky and happy.

"So…what are we going to do there?" Joseph said teasingly as they drove along the highway. Clarisse was about to reply when there was a ringing from Joseph's pocket.

"Oh, someone's calling me…here, just press the green button," he tossed the phone to her, open, and Clarisse stared at the ringing phone for a moment before gingerly pressing the green button and holding it up to her ear.

"Hello?"

"You two thought you would get a fast getaway, didn't you?" came Mia's cheerful voice from the end of the line. "I just got your note…it was lucky that I picked it up from the floor instead of my girls!"

"It's Mia," Clarisse said to Joe, before turning her attention back to Mia.

"Yes…well, we wanted to sneak out of the palace…."

"Grandma!" Mia laughed. "You don't have to justify it to me…I'm actually glad that you two have gone away…it is your first New Year as husband and wife! I just called to tell you to have a wonderful time…which I know you will…" she chuckled cheekily.

"Mia!" Clarisse gasped, a little shocked at what Mia had meant, but then laughed.

"Don't hurry back," was the last thing Mia said before she hung up. Clarisse shook her head in disbelief as she pressed the red button on the phone.

"That girl…that girl…" was all she could say, and Joseph laughed.

"You have to admit, she keeps life interesting!"

"Yes, I do love that girl very much," Clarisse admitted happily. "I never thought I would ever have so much joy and happiness in my life again after Phillipe died…I almost convinced myself that I was to blame for the way Rupert was…."

"But you do know that it isn't your fault, don't you? " Joe threw her an anxious look, and she nodded as she moved closer to him on the seat.

"Yes…but it took a long time to believe that, and a certain someone who helped me through it.

"It was always a pleasure to be there for you, Clarisse…I always will be."

"I've been thinking about our trip five years ago and, although we have a lot of memories from the past, I think it's time that we can make our own memories…"

"Haven't we already started that?"

"Yes…I know our honeymoon counts as one….but our memories don't have to be sad or bittersweet…our future is going to be so happy…our memories can match that…"

"I think that's a brilliant idea, darling…I love you Mrs Bonnell. Here's to making more, happy memories!

'"I love you too, Mr Bonnell…I second that idea!"


End file.
